I, generally, do not have a problem making a decision. In fact, in my life, I have had a tendency in the past to make snap decisions without realizing all the consequences and then had to deal with unpleasant consequences. One of the greatest challenges and learning experiences for me has been finding the balance of making a decision in a timely manner, but not without learning and realizing the consequences.
In other words, I do not need someone to tell me what to do. I like making my own decisions.
Until a little over a week ago, when my Dad had a major medical event....
I have debated everything in my mind.
To write this blog or not.
What to eat.
When to go back.
To continue my normal schedule or stay home.
Even my energy level seems to be undecided, I am either a hyperactive squirrel on a energy drink or a slug that has a hard time getting off the couch.
I consider getting dressed, making it to work, and getting things done during the day major accomplishments lately. All I want is for someone to tell me what to do, regarding everything, and what the right thing to do is, so unlike me!!!
One of the hardest lessons of life, in my opinion, is learning in some situations, there is no right or wrong answer. Guilt has to go out the window, which is far easier said than done.
Just do the best you can and realize everyone else is doing the same.
I have written and rewritten this blog multiple times in my mind and while typing it trying to find the right words, tone and intention and I'm still not sure I am writing what I need to or want to say, but a major reason I am trying is this....
I write a lot of entries on vacations and good things going on in my life but have a tendency to clam up when things are not going well or I am scared about something. I have a friend that calls Facebook "Fakebook" for the reason that everyone is always on vacation and life is always perfect. I stated when I started this blog that I would be writing about my life, and right now, my life is tough.
It is hard when a parent has a serious health scare.
It is hard when they are across the country, and even harder, when they are not even in the state where they live.
It is hard to find the balance of maintaining your life while not everything is right in it.
It is hard to know what to share without over sharing.
It is hard for me to sleep when I am under extreme stress.
I am so intensely grateful for the words of support and love that you have given me, whether on Facebook, emails, messages, phone calls or in person. They have given me the strength and support to keep going without losing my mind.
My Dad's recovery is going to be a baby step process and still has some major hurdles, but we are hopeful.
And I am hopeful that my ability to make a decision will return soon
along with a good night's sleep.