A Drop in the Bucket....

You can mock, and you can laugh, but a few months ago,  I created a Bucket List...

Yes, a cheesy, cliched Bucket List.

"Why?", you may ask, well,  I'll tell ya why...

Life is a series of opportunities and decisions, both big and little, and if you have not taken the time to figure out what you really want out of life, you may miss a once in a lifetime opportunity that in hindsight you might regret.  Bucket Lists can help you avoid that.....

So, where is the controversy and mocking coming from?

In a nutshell, the internet.

The reason, I believe, that Bucket Lists have gotten such a bad rap is a majority of the items that are being put on lists that you can find on the internet are expensive.  Will your life be a failure if at the end of your life, because you were fiscally responsible and could not pay for a trip to China and as a result you did not stand on the Great Wall of China because it was on your list?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!  Items left on your list are not failures, in my opinion, but dreams not yet fulfilled.

My friends and I had been talking about things we want in life lately and my bucket list grew out of that.   A lot of my items have to do with travel, as it is something I LOVE TO DO!, but others will require nothing but love and time.

I am not going to post my entire list; for one thing, it has 106 items on it, but the main reason is I believe Bucket Lists are fairly personal.  My list is a representative of  my hopes and dreams for my life, not shallow thoughts.  If at the end of my life, I still have items on my list, I will be ok, because that means I am still a dreamer.  My list is also not complete.  I expect to add to it as my life continues.  Dreaming, both little and big, should never stop.

Here on my blog, you will see a few of them, as I discuss them and I will let you know when I attempt an item and how it goes.  Some of the ones I have already accomplished did not go so well, like learning to surf, but I am glad I at least had the courage to try.

This blog post came from an item I checked off yesterday--Take a Photography Class.  I found a groupon for an all day workshop for $35. 

bokeh effect on a plant

Why did I post this photo of a leaf?  I learned how to create this effect at the workshop.  I thought I needed a different lens with aperture settings not on the lenses I currently own.  If I had not created my Bucket List, I might of missed an amazing opportunity.  Bucket Lists rock!

The main thing I'm finding after creating my list, I am more aware of opportunities and in a weird way, there seems to be more of them presenting in my life.   Awareness is an amazing thing.

It took me almost a week to come up with my list.  I searched the net for lists that I liked and thought about things, experiences and service I wanted to have in my life.  While I won't be sharing my entire list, I will share a few to maybe help jumpstart yours and see that it does not have to cost a lot of money to be a Bucket List item.

                ----See the Northern Lights
                ----Watch the AFI 100 best movies
                ----Learn to say 'no' without feeling guilty
                ----Help someone fulfill a goal

I hope you still dream and dream BIG....
and from that, put it to paper and make a Bucket List or whatever you want to call it.

Melissa

2013 Resolutions...

It's time...
for my 2013 Resolutions to be revealed.

Are you breathless with anticipation?
or just really tired from all of the posts from the last few days?

Drumroll.....

#1.  Meditate every day

       Why?  You may ask...good question.  In November 2012, I participated in a 21 Meditation Challenge sponsored by Deepak Chopra and LOVED it.  I had been toying the idea of meditating every day for a year when the challenge presented itself and it cemented the idea.  I've downloaded guided meditations from iTunes, purchased the Challenge from Chopra and 2 others, and am planning on doing Buddhist Zazen meditation, well.  I'm three days into to it and have learned a couple of things....
                1.  Don't meditate right before bed.  I am very relaxed right after, but then the energy build happens and it takes FOREVER to fall asleep
               2.  This is going to be really cool.


#2.  Swim a mile, then decrease the time by the end of the year.

       Oops, this is a re-resolution from 2012.  :(  I got in the pool 3 times last year.  My inner fish is gasping for air and is severely dehydrated.  The goal for this year--GET BACK IN THE POOL, build up to a mile again (it shouldn't take me too  long) and then decrease the time.  I have a plan this year and will update my time, here on the blog, and then my goal time.

#3.  Communicate more.....

       With my friends and family; with my journaling; and with my blogging....  I noticed in 2012, when I got busy, stressed or overwhelmed, I turned inward and stopped calling and writing.  I even stopped journaling, which helps with my stress and funkiness.  I blogged inconsistently and then overwhelmed myself at the end of the year....

#4.  Be fearless!!!

       I want to do stuff that has in the past that has scared me.  I'm not talking about my logical and completely reasonable fear of snakes.  I'm talking about singing lessons (January 8th)....I'm talking about being the first one to sign up for something.  Live without the inner dialogue that stops me from doing things I really want to do.  I know it's a little vague, but it's a mindset.  :)

#5.  Continue...

       with the progress of the last year.  Keep eating healthy and maintaining a balance.  Keep running and making progress.  Keep my emotional stuff in check.  I do not want to look back at the end of 2013 and then do previous goals again....  At the end of 2013,  I want to see progress and keep on moving forward.

Here we go 2013...
Melissa

The Stairs of Haramara...

During my stay at Haramara, documented here, I mentioned the natural state of the retreat.  One of the quirks that I encountered everyday and multiple times a day were the stairs on the trail from my casita to just about everywhere (both yoga pavilions and the dining room).  The stairs were made to fit into the hillside and meant not to disturb nature as much as possible.  Beautiful, yes....  Equal and level, not so much.

The first couple of days, the stairs drove me nuts.  They bugged my ankle.  I could not find a rhythm on them--1 wide step, 2 short ones, then a half..and on and on...  With the humidity, I would be glowing (haha) by the time I got to the top.  My complaints were endless, and yet the stairs remained.

I started to realize something....
Life, like these stairs, is not meant to be perfect and even.
You need to focus on what you are doing in the moment, i.e. be present, to successfully navigate it.

When I let the stairs be as they were, not as I wanted them to be, I was able to make it up and down without incident.

Life lesson in a flight of stairs.....

Melissa

Resolution Recap...

Remember in January when I posted my 2012 New Year's Resolutions?

If not, here is a little reminder.

Now that it is January 2013, it's time for an update.....

#1. Run a 5k.

Yes!!!  This was my most documented resolution here on the blog, with one, two entries about it.

#2.  Take singing lessons

This was the hardest for me, by FAR!!!!!  I wimped out, I got scared, and I delayed.  It started off well enough in January when I put out a plea on facebook and in real life for a voice coach.  I was full of enthusiasm and had little fear.  I did not find a vocal coach until about June when a friend and my research came together in the same name.  Did I call then?  Nope.  I lost her number.  I put it off until about September when I reread my resolution list and asked my friend again for the number again.  Still did not call.....
fear had set in.

December rolled around and I thought, 'Now is the time to call' and actually did, but got the voicemail of the vocal coach.  It turns out that December with all of the Christmas concerts and other activities  is not best time to schedule a lesson.  I have since talked to her and have scheduled a lesson in January.

So, does it still count?  Not sure.....

#3.  Take 10 minutes off my 1 mile swim time.

Nope.  I can count on one hand how many times I got into a swimming pool this year.  I think my mistake was doing two resolutions that had fitness goals attached.  Running dominated my mind and exercise time this past year.  I am going to re-resolve this one and actually make a plan to make it happen.

#4.  Get up earlier on weekends and my days off.

I did ok on this one.  I am not a big napper, so when I am tired and overstressed, I recover by sleeping in a bit.  I learned with this one to listen to my body and rest when I need it.

Not a bad result, I think.  There is a lot of talk about how resolutions do not work and set you up for failure, but I have always like them.  I do not always succeed, but when I don't I always try and see why....  Sometimes, it was just a lack of a plan, like #3, but others, it's a lack of overcoming a fear (#2) and you still end up making progress.

I'm still forming all of my 2013 resolutions, so I'll be posting them later this week.  It was really nice and encouraging to get  the comments on the blog and in real life.  They kept me motivated and honest in my resolutions, so THANK YOU!!

Melissa

Running away to find Home...

Beware, I'm in a bit of a writing mood.

The end of year always brings out my inner writer, so be prepared for a lot of posts this week.  After the silence of the past month or so,  I did not want to overwhelm you or have you go into shock, so there's my public service announcement.  POSTS ARE COMING... Lots of them..

Like the this one...
Running away to find home.

I got an invitation about a year ago to join Ann, my Bonus (a nicer term than stepmom),  at a week long yoga retreat in Mexico.   She had attended in 2011 and the day she got home, she called and said they were doing it again in 2012 and she thought I would love it.  I looked at the website; I looked at my finances; I looked and the calendar; and then I decided yes!!!

I made the decision to go in February and paid my first deposit.
Life went crazy.

I made my second deposit in June..
Life went beserk.

I made my final payments in August and October...
Heaven help me....

I booked my airfare....
I lost all confidence about going.

I started to prepare for the trip...
I trip and end up leaving for the retreat with a swollen wounded ankle and a skinned up knee.

Why do I bring all of this up?  You need a clear understanding of my mental, physical and emotional state when I boarded my flight that left at 5:55 am on December 8th to understand the transformation that occurred.   I've come to the realization that I needed to be at a low point to be open to what happened.

What did happen, you ask?
I found home.

I'll explain that in detail later, but first some details about the trip....

December 8th, I flew from SLC to LA to Puerta Vallerta, Mexico.  I made all of my connections and my luggage made my flights.  Off to a good start.  :)  I left Salt Lake in below freezing temps, landed in LA in fog (could not see more than 50 feet out the plane's window), and at my final destination....
85 degrees...  my idea of perfection.

Haramara Retreat the resort where I was heading, is about 30 miles north of Puerta Vallerta, so I waited for a few of my fellow yogis, including Ann to fly in.  We loaded up our shuttle and headed out.  A little information about the retreat.  It was planned and organized by a yoga studio, Flow Yoga, in Hood River Oregon and attended by yogis from all over the country.   On my shuttle, Utah, Georgia, Minnesota and Wisconsin were represented with Oregon, Washington, California, Ohio and Alaska joining in later.

Just a glimpse of the resort...

a walkway thru the resort

Haramara was built without any heavy machinery and is designed to get you back to nature.  There are no phones in your casitas.  No power either... you use candles and kerosene lamps.  Cell phones don't really work there.  The quiet is stunning and powerful.  By the end of the week, you are waking with the sun and going to bed following the rhythm of light and dark.

my room, notice the mosquito netting you would pull around your bed at night

The schedule for the week went like this...
7am wakeup...
throw on yoga clothes and head to breakfast
8:30  Chanting and meditation
9-10:30  morning yoga
break time (for non yoga teachers like me)
12-1 AMAZING LUNCH (3 courses)
break time (for non yoga teachers like me)
4:45-6 afternoon yoga
6-7 Oh, my heavens yummy dinner (I could write a whole post about the food)
7-9 Satsang..... Eastern Philosphy, Meditation and discussion
9 bedtime...

As you can tell, yoga would be one of the major focuses of my week.  Were you paying attention at the beginning when I told you that my ankle was wounded?  Well, it was.. a nice shade of technicolor with some swelling to boot.  No strength for balancing poses at all... Great!...my strength, pun intended, in yoga has always been my strength....flexibility is an ongoing challenge and goal.  For two times a day, I was going to have to accept my limitation and let my yoga practice be exactly as it was for the day.  AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!  Not my greatest strength, I'll tell you.  If I've done a pose before, I will do it again.  My competitive nature just doesn't let me back up in progress without some grief.  Learning and acceptance would have to occur for my sanity to remain intact.

During my freetime, I would read (The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle), hang out on the the beach and dip my toes in the warm waters of the ocean, or go into the town of Sayulita, a 2 mile walk from the resort.  On one of my adventures into town, I did an item off my bucket list..I attempted to learn to surf.  :)

Haramara's beach

Surfing lesson, pre water...tip of the day..if you learn to surf, try and do it when you don't have a hurt right ankle and a skinned left knee.. (it really gets in the way)

Evening Satsang proved to be exclamation mark on the day.  It would reinforce all of the things that had happened during the day.  The main focus of the talks would was the idea of 'being in the moment'.  Sometimes, Adi, our discussion leader, would say something that was almost a direct quote from the book was I reading.  It was like the universe making sure I got it.

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, I turned inward.  I spent a lot of time alone during freetime reading, journaling and thinking about the patterns and behaviors of my life.  It wasn't anti social, it was just a quiet space I desperately needed.  I worked thru some things, I had not dared to do before and some other stuff that I thought I had....  I'm not sure that I would of done the work without the peace and quiet of Haramara.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I found my bliss.  I started to spend my free time with the other retreaters.  Conversations varied; some deep, some light...  My yoga practice started to turn around, not physically, my ankle was still giving me grief, but the true reason of yoga..the mental side.  My mind began to quite down.

Friday night at Satsang, we started talking about going to home and the hustle and noise of life, when Adi simply stated, 'You are home'.

Alarm bells ringing, fireworks going off, and the deep realization that he was right.

I was home.

I was no where near anything familiar, but I was home.

Not a physical address...
but that place deep inside of you that knows without question that you are all that you need.

I was home....

Saturday afternoon, I left Haramara and returned to Salt Lake.  My ankle was still a little swollen and my knee still a little banged up, but my mind and soul were in such a better place.

I was home.

Melissa

Interwoven Stories

For the past year or so, I have been scanning old slides and photographs onto my computer, and I've become intrigued by the photos of my grandparents, parents and other relatives when they were younger and of the lives they led before they became the title I have for them.

My paternal Grandmother passed away when my Dad was in college.  I have her name and her coloring, but have never seen a photograph of her.

My paternal Grandfather, Pop as everyone called him, passed when I was 5.  I have fleeting memories of sitting in his lap and how big he was.

Pop, after a bird hunt

My maternal Grandfather passed away when my Mom was a child.  In reading old letters and seeing pictures of him, I have his eye coloring and his dry sense of humor.

A photograph that I had never seen until I started scanning of my maternal Grandfather

My maternal Grandmother passed away before I was six.  I remember eating bread and milk out of these great aluminum glasses, pink peppermint candies, and the cepachol mouthwash in her bathroom.

My maternal Grandmother, Amy

In scanning the photographs, I have seen more pictures of my Grandparents that I even knew existed.  Sure, they were in albums ready for my viewing at any time or in slides, but I never really took the time to see them.  For me, history is boring if it's dates and charts of names and birthdates, but give me a personal memory, a photograph or a journal and I'll dive right in.  The reason why I started scanning...no one had a slide viewer anymore and we were going to lose the memories.  The snowball started with that, so I then looked at old photo albums and realized, we were losing the pictures as well, due to age.

After learning more about my Grandparents, I started in on my parents photos.  We enter our parents lives with their stories well in progress.  If we're lucky, we learn about the stories that lead them to the points were we enter their lives.  The trouble they got into as kids; their achievements; their disappointments; and their dreams.

My Mom grew up in Orderville, Utah, graduated from college at the age of 40, taught First Grade for 27 years, and fostered my love of reading.  Girls, I think, are more apt to have journals and scrapbooks, so I have been going through my mom's.  I have learned things that I would of never have known by scanning them.  Memories have been brought back for her and I've met the child, teenager and young adult that she was.  It's been really amazing.

My Mom, back in the day

My Dad grew up in Pine Mountain, Georgia,  graduated from Georgia Tech, was in Army, blew a lot of stuff up in his career, and can build anything you ask him for.  I asked him not too long ago, if he had any old photos or things of the like from his childhood and he told me that there wasn't anything to do.....nothing remained or he did have them.  It dang near broke my heart, because in learning about his past, I would of learned even more about him...

My Dad, back in the day

My parents divorced when I was 16....
it took a long time for me to realize that while they were not right for each other,
they are the perfect parents for me.

I am not done scanning photos and old documents of my parents and now I've even started on the photographs I've taken of friends and my life throughout the years.  I don't want to lose these memories and it is my privilege to save them.

A little introspective,
Melissa

Carving out Tradition

I've been scanning old photos and slides for a while now and have another post coming about legacies and heritage, but an unexpected surprise surfaces in old photo albums--pictures of the pumpkins I've carved thru out the years.  Some of which, I did not believe I had anymore.  :)

If you're interested in how I started carving and my once a year art skills, read about it here...

So, without further ado, a photo retrospective of my pumpkins.

Beast, the one who started it all..not the best photo  :(

Bullseye, from Toy Story 2

Star Wars fans, please forgive me, it's Jar Jar Binks.  He's on the left.

Stitch, from Disney's Lilo and Stitch

Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh.

Simba, the Lion King

Flounder, you Guppy

not a great photo, but it's Huggly (a Children's book character)

The Princess and the Frog

Remy 

So, how many years have I been doing this...

The big hair, the rolled shorts...behold the 90's

See you soon,
Melissa