What's your Goal?

We are over half way thru 2018?  How did that happen??????????

I thought since I sorta abandoned the New Year's Resolution updates in my monthly (well, sometimes monthly other times quarterly) blogs, I would do it here.....and this is one of those blogs that is really for me to maintain accountability in goals I set.  I hope it's not to boring for the rest of you...

Resolution #1
At least 26 'Something to Think About' Journal entries.

my journal and a page prompt.

I have done 10 and I am completely ok with that number.  I'm not as consistent with them as I thought I would be, but I've noticed a trend in my journaling-from April to August, I don't typically write as often, but from September to February, I'm a writing machine, March can go either way..  I may not get to 26 by the end of the year, but I've definitely done more that any other year.

Resolution #2
Bucket List items

Here's why I think Resolutions are such a good thing to tie with Bucket List items, 3 of my resolutions are actually on my Bucket List.  

Resolution #3
Get outdoors more!  Hiking, snowshoeing, x-country skiing, rowing, camping, etc

It's funny on this one, because sometimes I think nature is against me.  The winds have been blowing this summer and it has kept me off the lake and rowing less than I would prefer, but they are not keeping me off completely.  The other thing I've realize about this goal, you have to plan and make it a priority if you want to get out there, otherwise life will get in the way.  I made a goal for the summer to go out once a week for a small mountain adventure.  I'm now aware of it and look for days to go and make the actual plans...

Resolution #4
See if the idea in my head really is a novel

This is a slower process than I believed it was going to be....  The characters may of been in my head, but the plot had massive holes in it.  I saw a quote in January from a writer that basically said always have an outline of where you want your novel to go otherwise you can write yourself into a dead end faster than you will ever believe.  I have the opening and closing chapters written, but have spent the majority of my time planning in a small notebook plot lines, characteristics of the main and secondary characters.  This matters to me more than I thought and I want to do it right...I don't know what I'll do with the end product, but I will finish this.

Resolution #5
More water

Every month I have set a goal which has increased until June when it hit 80 ounces of water a day.  Somedays I go way over 80, but 80 is a reasonable and healthy number for me.  I have for some crazy reason missed 1 day every month, not by a lot, but every dang month...

Resolution #6
 Work on my lettering/calligraphy

I bought a kit from Crayola and started from there.  I thought I couldn't ruin Crayola markers while I self taught myself pressure and shapes and I think it turned out somewhat ok.  I did a 30 day challenge starting in February where I practiced everyday and made HUGE strides.  I'm still working on creative placements and finding my own style and still learning...  On July 19th, I took a workshop from Melissa Esplin whose work I really admire and is a distant relative. Utah has a ton of well known letterers (who knew), so I got some in person help there.  Being a leftie in this has had its challenges and the hardest is that my natural slant is slightly different from all of the others that I see, but the workshop helped me to embrace my natural style, now I just need to get consistent with it.....

some of my practicing.....

Resolution #7
Try something new every month....a restaurant, activity, etc

This is the list of restaurants I am working from.  All that I have been to have been AMAZING!

I keep a list of what I do in my written journal every month.  It just makes me happy to see my world expanding from new restaurants, classes, museums, etc...

Resolution #8
Find and maintain my Meditation Practice

This is still a work in progress.  I'm finding that once a week I do a formal meditation of 20 minutes or longer and it's not the same day of the week, I just do it when it feels right.  The thing I am noticing the most, is that I am doing mini meditations almost daily, I am taking time to do 5-10 deep breaths and just stop and focus.  This has been a very happy and welcome addition in my day to day life.

Resolution #9
Travel Solo

My plan is still in motion.  I'm not going to say more than that for now, but this is going to happen.

Resolution #10
Penny savings challenge

I have a plan, but I switch up weeks according to whim and knowing how my money is in certain months.  I am on schedule and very happy about this.  Here's to almost $700 by the end of the year for fun stuff during 2019!

my money jar...

Here We Go Again...

Hi.

New Year's Resolutions get such a bad rap and a significant number of eye rolls, but I like them, so I am sticking with them and I ask that you don't throw anything at the computer/phone as you read what is coming up in this post....

Here we go for 2016!  (ok, I guess my first one should be to type 2016 within 4 tries....)

#1.  See a movie in a theater once a month.

        I managed to see 3 movies in the theater this year.  THREE!!!  It's not like I didn't have opportunities because I did, I just never seem to make it.  This also seems like a fun resolution to do.

Update:  I saw 15!!!!!!!  It was such a fun thing to do and I found out that I like going to the movies on my own.  I never thought I would say that...

#2.  Daily walk.

       As I went outside today and froze, I was questioning this a bit, but here is the thing, being outside is so dang good for me and an added little boost of exercise is never a bad thing either.  I'm not setting any conditions on this but, trusting that each day, I will make the right choice for me.

Update:  I missed on average 3 days a month but this was a sanity saver this year!

#3.  Celebrate a Weird/non traditional  Holiday a Month

        Why you ask?  Why not?  I found a great website that I made my selections from and have a plan.  I plan on writing about most of the adventures, so it will help keep me writing on here as well.
The link for the website is Here

Update:  I had so much fun with this!  I tried new things, ate new foods, and realized that there is an opportunity to celebrate everyday!

#4.  Validate the People in my life more.

        How often do you tell the people in your life they are loved? doing a good job? or that you appreciate how much they do for you?  I realized I could do a lot better in this.  I'm going to take different forms on how I do this, but I believe this is a good focus for the year.

Update: I did well with texts and phone calls, and I definitely told people what they meant to me, but I realized something this year that I really value the written word.  Sometimes you just need to put it on paper, so I will be incorporating that into my 2017 resolutions...

#5.  Classic Book Challenge

       Yep, the reading challenge is back.....  I LOVED doing this in 2015 and as I was finding my books, I realized one thing, I had not read a ton of the 'Top Books to Read' and in noticing this, I found that there are A LOT of Top 50, Top 100 book lists out there, and was wondering what list to do and then I found it.  This WEBSITE solved my conundrum, due to the fact, the person behind the website crunched all of the data from all of the booklists they could find and statistically ranked the books.  I am going to read the top 50 this year, which seems like a lot, but as you'll see due to last year and a little rule I put in, it's really quite doable.

Update:  I am not going to lie, this was rough....although I found some books that I loved, I also read some books that I never want to read again.

#6.  Don't Relapse on Things I have been Working on

       There is nothing more frustrating that having to start over once again.  My intention in setting this resolution is that I keep moving forward and not stall or slide back on any of the things that I have worked through or have found that keep me in the present.

Update:  I maintained in some areas and considering what I dealt with this year, I am a-ok with this.  Other areas, I moved WAY forward....

#7.  Break a Bad Habit

       I have a couple of bad habits that I want to break, but I am going to focus on one and then see where I'm at.  I may or may not keep you updated on here depending on which one I chose, but know that I am working on improving my life.  :)

Update:  Made progress on one, and completely eliminated one.  WAHOOOOOO!

#8.  Do a Food Challenge

      I found a Food Challenge from the same group that did my Reading Challenge last year and I decided to tackle it.   Here is a LINK to it.  I'm going to tweak it a bit, so there will be more information to come....

Update:  I have 6 items left to do, but this was a fun thing to attempt.

#9.  A Perfect Form Push Up

      Are you ready for a confession?  I struggle (and by struggle, I mean I am unable to do them correctly) with push ups, even the so-called and somewhat insulting (yet, appropriate for me) girl push ups.  It affects my yoga practice; it puts me at risk for injury due to weakness; and at the end of the day just ticks me off!!!  I have been doing research for a bit and have found a program that starts at a very beginner level and builds from there....  Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

Update:  I can do 1 really well!!  This was rough, especially with the health adventure I went on this year..

#10.  Bucket List stuff

       Were you getting worried that the item that has been on my Resolution list for the past 4 years wasn't going to make it?  Never fear, here it is....

Update:  Once again, I did ones I did not expect and didn't do ones I thought I would, but I still love this being a resolution, because it keeps it on my radar.

My list seems to get longer each year, but this one has a number of light hearted items, and I went with what felt right.

Here's to another year!
Melissa

Double Take...

I'll admit it...
I forgot.

Truth be told, I wrote it in another location, my personal journal.

You have been with this for a year and so I thought you were due some closure.

About my 2014 New Year's Resolutions.....
let go of that breath I know you were holding. (snark intended)

First, let's review the list and why I chose them here....

And now for closure,

#1.  Get cards to people on time.
      My best year ever.... my niece, who's Birthday was December 26th, may not agree with me as I sent her card not only late but to her dorm address and not her home address where she was at the time of her Birthday.  A pleasant surprise will greet her when she gets back to school.  Surprise!!!  That was my only big goof on this one.  My entire family was pretty much in shock this year.

#2.  Finish Projects in a timely and sane manner.
    I Let it Go!!!  Let it Go!!  Sorry, couldn't help but breaking into song.  I released this notion that it HAD TO BE DONE NOW!!!!!!  and had more fun with my crafty and other projects this year.  The ultimate irony of this, by relaxing I generally got things done faster.

#3.  Work on my personal style.
    I did ok with this one.  I struggled with a little weight that I put on throughout the year and it definitely put me in a not buying clothes mood.  I did, however, clean out my closets and drawers and donated clothing I either did not like, did not fit, or was so totally out of style no one would want to be near me when I wore it.  I actually bought 2 items that are in my Pinterest 'My Style' board and love them.  I also realized I am completely ok with going to the grocery store in sweats and no makeup and I stopped feeling like I had to dress up for things that did not matter to me.  On the flip side, I love to dress up for events.  Glam me up on those occasions.  The last thing I did for my personal style was to CHOP my hair!!  It went from reaching the bottom of my shoulder blades to right below my ears.  It was liberating and apparently flattering because people have been telling me to keep this hair cut.

#4.  Figure out my Yoga practice
  I found a studio, 2 streets away from my house that I can walk to, and LOVE LOVE LOVE it.  It is not a trendy place.  It focuses on the basics and it makes be calm.  I was very inconsistent, however, about going when life got funky, which is the absolute worst time to stop and that is something I am still working on, consistency.

#5.  Find balance in my workout schedule.
   Remember how I almost did not put this on my list?  I wrote a whole post about it in February, called A bit of the Blahs....  This resolution gave me grief.  I struggled the ENTIRE YEAR and it was not until mid December during an Abdominal Massage in Mexico that I realized why.  It was an emotional moment I tell you.... I honestly could not breathe....  I was working out due to fear.  I was never going to find balance in fear.  It is just not possible.  I had to and have to continue to workout from a place of love.  For example, I love what my body is able to do today or I love how I feel when I am in class or I love what I am doing.  This is going to be a lifelong process, but at least I know now what balance in my workout schedule should look like.
   Since December, I have taken days off when I have not felt well, instead of pushing myself too hard.  I have let go the expectation of what my poses should look like in yoga and have made progress like you can not believe.  I have made plans not to do it alone.
 
#6.  Cross items off my Bucket List.
  I love this one....more National Parks were visited, I completed a MARATHON, I had a tarot card reading, I'm almost done with the 100 best movies ever made list, and there were a few more.  This will make another appearance in 2015.

#7.  Do a monthly savings challenge.
  Absolute failure on this one.  I did not have a plan.  I did not make a plan.  I should of had the plan before I made the resolution.  Financially, I did ok in 2014, but I could of done better with a plan.  I am redoing this in 2015 and I already have my plan in place.

#8.  Be more creative.
  I put a lot of thought, effort and time into this one and eventually it paid off.  It was not without its pitfalls, however, I took classes that I just didn't click with, struggled with finding the right medium, and had some doubts.  In September, I found my unexpected gift.  I fell in love with Watercolors and for a person who is unable to draw a straight line with a ruler (I get that weird ruler bump), it loved me back.  I am enjoying painting immensely and am continuing my classes in 2015.

#9.  Maintain my progress and Move Forward.
   This year was interesting.  It had some High Highs and very Low Lows.  I got completely flipped by the end of the year and had lost my balance.  The benefit, however, of some life experience is that I flipped back right side up faster and with more ease than I had in the past.  I realized there are some very simple things that help keep me in balance and will use them not only when things are going well, but when they are not.  I also will ask for help before it gets too bad.  I am very lucky and grateful for the people in my life who have offered and given help to me.

Was that a year or what?
Some successes and some not.
But I will never regret making the Resolutions....

Melissa

In or Out of Motivation...

Have you ever had a thought or idea that keeps getting presented to you?

It has been happening to me a lot lately, in terms of a deceptively simple question.

Are you doing something in fear?
Or out of Love?

Over and over again, I was asked that question..
and I realized something.

I had been doing something right for the wrong reason.

It was not something that was easy to admit or sit with, but it explained quite a bit.  It explained why I had never been consistent for the long term and why I was having to start over once again.

I asked myself if I was doing it out of Fear?  Or in Love?

Sounds simple enough right?  The kicker, once you ask the question,  it really is.

I was exercising out of fear.

It dominated every moment of my workouts.  If I missed a workout, it meant I was wrong and made me feel guilty.  It made me a neurotic mess on race day mornings, because if I did not make a certain time, I was not good enough...

For fear, it is never enough....

Love, on the other hand, accepts....

Love accepts that today you felt like going for a long walk around your neighborhood, instead of a run that you were dreading doing because you were worn out and tired.  It is just happy you did something active and healthy for yourself.

Love accepts you are today.  It does not require you to be 20 pounds lighter.  Love does not require tight abs.  Love wants you to accept yourself as you are today.

Love wants you to find a passion that goes beyond race day or whatever goal you have set.  It wants you happy on race day and beyond.

Since I have been home, I have been planning my workouts out of a place of acceptance and love.  I have moved a workout by a day and felt so much better for it.  I went to a restorative yoga class instead of a more vigorous one and felt better for it.

The most important part of it all,
I have not felt guilt once.
I have felt love.....

Melissa

Guides and Doubt

A sign along the way

Two days before I left for the Yoga retreat I was going to, I began to doubt whether I should attend.  I was not at 'the right weight' to practice yoga; my muscles were tight and not at my most flexible; and my energy levels were at the bottom of the meter.  I doubted my ability and even my right to go...the only reason I was even considering going was the amount of money I had spent for airfare and the week of accommodations.

Then a guide, in the form of my Mom, told me to go and I would be ok.......

I went with a fair amount of trepidation, but I went.

The first night, at our introductory Satsang, Swami Omkarananda, who was going to be one of our teachers for the week, told us about his doubts as he was at the gate at the airport as he was starting his journey from India to Mexico.  He called his Guru and said he did not think he was going to get on the plane.  His Guru told him he needed to go and that it would be ok......

I was shocked.  

Why would he have doubts?  He looks like he has it all together........

But I had forgotten something important,

We all have doubts......

But more importantly, we all have guides to help us along the way if we are willing to listen to them.

So listen,

and be a guide if you are needed

and listen to one if they are placed in your life.

Thank you to all of my Guides,

whether you have said "Welcome" when I arrived at an event to calm a fear, 

or to the ones who have said "Go" when I needed to leave,

or to the ones who have said that exact word or phrase or sentence that have brought me Peace.

I Thank You All!!!!!!

Melissa

The Return.....

Two years ago, I went to a yoga retreat in Sayulita, Mexico, and it put me on a very good path.....

When the opportunity opened to attend again, I immediately said, "YES!"  It was going to be wonderful to attend with out any injury and my life in a good place.  You can read about my experiences from two years ago, here and here.

In January of this year, life was going well in all aspects, physically, emotionally, and financially.  If you have been reading the blog this year, you know that there have been some big events that have knocked me off of that stable ground.  I had no clue how much I needed to attend until I got there....

So my Return was not only to Haramara Resort but to myself......

The Hammock where I found myself again....

My yoga practice was once again, not in the best place, thanks to tight muscles and emotions held in me, but I learned a very important lesson this time.  Yoga is not all about the asanas, or physical practice, it is so much more.

It is also about being kind to yourself....forgiving yourself, speaking kindly to yourself, and living in the present.  It is also about doing those things to others in your life.  If you are not doing those things, your physical practice will not go well.  It may be a great physical exercise, but it will not be yoga.

As a result, I spent a lot of my time at a yoga retreat not doing the physical practice.  I attended the Asana class almost every day, but spent quite a bit of my time in Child's Pose or another restorative pose.  I had to take my ego out of it and do what was right for my mind and body.  It was no easy task for the first couple of days, but as the week progressed I did yoga by doing a very simple pose due to the fact that I did it with intention and acceptance.  I am so very grateful for the instructors who allowed that freedom in the classes.

I pushed through unsettled emotions and old habits with specific activities and in journaling to the point of my new pen running out of ink...  I asked questions when I was blocked....  I listened and processed a lot of information...  I realized that every person that was there with me was a teacher....

In other words, I returned....
and learned tricks and tips and accepted offers of help to not let it get so bad if circumstances happen in the future, so it does not require a week long intensive to get me back.

I signed up when life was wonderful and had expectations I would arrive at my best....
However, life had another plan to make sure I had learned previous lessons, and to be quite honest, I had learned some, but not the heart of them.  (I'll do another blog about this later to explain.)  I had at least learned enough to go.....

Returned to myself...
Melissa

Finish Strong....

I have been on a rampage lately...
but don't worry, it's a good one.

Unfinished projects and other projects are the only things that need to be worried, because I am getting them DONE!

This has been precipitated by a couple of things,
#1 New Year's Resolution Number 2 which had to do with finishing projects.
and
#2 I have been cleaning and finding things I thought were done and out of the house or in their proper place.

The irony of it all, it has been my love of football that has gotten this accomplished.  Every Saturday and Sunday, if there is nothing planned, I park myself on the couch and watch A LOT of football.  As long as the game is good, I will watch!

However, I start to feel guilty that I'm being a slug, so I look for things to do while watching the game.

The results......

7 quilts delivered to Primary Children's Hospital.
 I found them in my 'storage room' partially completed.  All I had to do was attach the batting, flip them right side out, and then tie them.

2 Christmas Stockings completed!
This project was the reason I came up with the resolution.  I have a tendency to go overboard with projects in the beginning and then burnout. :( The Stockings were a case in point.  I started with plenty of time last year to finish before Christmas, but I would work in fits and starts, then I went on a  binge to finish (which of course, I didn't)..... You can not really tell, but they are cross-stitched.  I have been dealing with this problem in a couple of ways and hope to work in a more reasonable timeline from here on out.

My stocking...

My Mom's stocking...

A bunch of blog posts..

Remember all of the posts about my recent trip to Colorado?  I wrote them all on the weekend, while I had time, then posted one a day throughout the week.

And finally, I have been doing yoga poses to help my hips release (it's an ongoing struggle) and guess what?  They actually feel better.....

I've been wanting to start couple of new projects (knitting items that are actually on my Bucket Lists), but until I have cleared out my unfinished pile, I have to wait...

Finishing a Bunch of Stuff....

Melissa

Resolute!

I heard on the radio the other day that by the end of January, most people have already given up on their New Year's Resolutions.

This makes me sad.

You do not have to be perfect in your quest of your resolutions, you just have to stick with them.

For example, remember mine of getting cards out in a timely manner?

My Thank You cards for Christmas got mailed on January 25th.
My nephew's birthday card, however, got to him before his Birthday.

Progress, with some work to do.....
But I'm not giving up on my Resolution!

Another one...
Finish projects in a timely manner.

I have not finished the project that made me do this resolution.
oops.

And one more..
my yoga practice is coming together.  I've been doing the Sun Salutation every morning and will start classes at one the studios I talked about.

Resolutions are about the progress along the way and the things you learn.

STICK WITH THEM!!!
Melissa

2014 Resolutions...

It's time...

To set my intentions/goals/resolutions for the year.

It took me a couple of days to figure out the list, mainly because I kept wanting to make it shorter, and the list wanted to stay longer.

So, beware, 2014 is going to be an ambitious year.

#1.  Get cards to people on time.
     
        One of my sister in laws is amazing at this!!  She is my role model for the year.  The main reason behind this resolution--my brother, who just happens to be married to the really good card mailer, got his card over a month late this year.  A MONTH!!!  I've gotten really good at buying the cards in time, but getting them in the mail so they get to the person before their birthday/event is the area of concern.

#2.  Finish projects in timely and sane manner.

        I am not talking about work projects or things for other people.  I'm talking about craft projects and such that I do on my own.  I will be posting about the reason behind this when I finish a project in a week or so.  It was the reason behind this.

#3.  Work on my personal style.

        Lately, I have been feeling like I am a sweats and a little too casual kind of girl.   I know that I am not a fussy style, but I want to be more pulled together and polished.  There are a couple of stylists around town that I may call to help me pull it together and get an unbiased opinion on what looks good and what does not.  It's an option I'm looking into.  Pinterest actually brought this to my attention, believe it or not... I was going thru my boards and realized the one board that I pin to quite a bit but have done nothing from was my 'My Style' board.

#4.  Figure out my yoga practice.

       My yoga practice the last couple of years has been inconsistent and varied in style.  I feel like it has become more of a creative workout instead of a yoga practice.  I have been researching two yoga studios here in town that I believe are what I am looking for.  The next step, getting to the studios.  I am going to take a break from antigravity, Bikram, and all other types of non traditional yoga and see what happens.  I also want to get my home practice going.  If I am not in class, I do not do my poses. I read, somewhere, not too long ago, that if you do not have an active home practice, you are not really practicing yoga.

        The culminations of this resolution will be in December when I journey back to Haramara and have another week long Yoga retreat.

#5.  Find balance in my workout schedule.

      While I have enjoyed the mental and physical challenge of training for a marathon, it has put a certain rigidity to my workout schedule.  In 2014, I want to find a balance of running, swimming, yoga, and all the other fitness activities that I enjoy.  I will still enter races on occasion to challenge myself, but I want the workouts to be the reward and challenge.

#6.  Cross items off my Bucket List.

      When I created my Bucket List a while ago, I did not want to wait until the end of my life to start crossing items off the list.  I wanted it to be a lifelong adventure.  I have a couple of items that I want to accomplish this year---details will be revealed at a later date here on the blog.  This item will more than likely be on in 2015, 2016 and so on....  I want it to remain in the forefront of my mind.  Accomplish what you want to out of life and do not miss out on opportunities.  Good resolution, don't you think?

#7.  Do a monthly saving challenge to increase my savings.

       I am still formulating how I am going to accomplish this one.  There are multiple money challenges out there.  I am leaning towards one that has you do a different task every month.  As soon as I decide I will do a post and detail it out...

#8.  Be more creative.

        I have a mindset that I want to change....Because I can not draw, I question my creativity.  I want to explore different kinds of creativity and find mine.

#9.  Maintain my progress and move Forward.

       A nice vague goal...  It's really not, when you think about it.  2013 moved me forward by my resolutions, work, plans and just plain life.  Keep looking forward and mend the past.


This is the highest number of resolutions I have every listed, but I tried multiple times to eliminate one or two from this list and it just did not feel right....

The majority of my resolutions this year are more mindset than task oriented goals, though there are a couple of those, and I think that is why I am ok with the higher number.

Once again, I will update my progress through out the year, both good and bad....

Hopeful in the New Year..
Melissa

A Change in the Wind....

Even though life has been going pretty well for me lately, I have been wanting some changes.

Is that weird?  I'm not sure.....

The feeling has been getting more and more intense and pushing to the forefront of my mind.  I am questioning why I do what I do and if it still works for me.  Somethings just need a little tweaking, but I have a feeling others will have massive changes.

Traveling seems to bring this out in me the most, and I just got back from an epic 13 day road trip that I will be posting about later.  I think it is because when you travel, you are completely knocked out of your routine and comfort zone, and I love that, mainly because it is always your idea when you travel.  The universe, life, your job, your health, your family did not knock you out of your routine, you did and that is a wonderful thing.

I changed my hair color yesterday.  This is something I have not done in YEARS!!  It has worked for me, but it was time to change it up.  My hair is now a light brown with blondish highlights--no longer the dark chocolate brown with caramel highlights.  I lightened up....  :)  It took about 4 hours to accomplish and I love it.  Pictures will be coming soon, so keep an eye out on facebook.

I'm tweaking my exercise routine.  Running, of course, will be staying in.  It would be hard to train for a marathon in January if you are not running.  My yoga practice will be changing from antigravity to a more tradition vinyasa practice with some Bikram thrown in.  I stopped Bikram a while back because I was getting too competitive with myself in class--doing challenges (which was an amazing experience), but it made me think that if I was not going everyday, I was failing somehow.  Lame, I know, but I'm fairly competitive by nature and it just happened.  I am going back with the intention of being in the moment.  I'll see how it goes and let you know.

I am signing up for American Sign Language classes thru my local community education.  I feel like I have not been challenging myself mentally lately and learning a new language, that requires coordination, should amp up my mental skills.  As an added bonus, it is on my bucket list.  :)

It is also time to change up my inner conversations....  I was doing well for a while keeping the negative self talk out, but it is creeping back in and I want to nip it in the bud.

It is funny because I was just thinking about my New Year's Resolutions and the first one that popped into my mind was my 'Continue' resolution.  It is all about moving forward and not getting stuck in a rut or back sliding.  Maybe that is where these Winds of Change are coming from...

Melissa.

PS...
GRRRRRRR!!!  Just went to sign up for the American Sign Language class and it is postponed until the Winter semester.  So I signed up for a Photoshop class instead.  Just working my brain in another way.

Running away to find Home...

Beware, I'm in a bit of a writing mood.

The end of year always brings out my inner writer, so be prepared for a lot of posts this week.  After the silence of the past month or so,  I did not want to overwhelm you or have you go into shock, so there's my public service announcement.  POSTS ARE COMING... Lots of them..

Like the this one...
Running away to find home.

I got an invitation about a year ago to join Ann, my Bonus (a nicer term than stepmom),  at a week long yoga retreat in Mexico.   She had attended in 2011 and the day she got home, she called and said they were doing it again in 2012 and she thought I would love it.  I looked at the website; I looked at my finances; I looked and the calendar; and then I decided yes!!!

I made the decision to go in February and paid my first deposit.
Life went crazy.

I made my second deposit in June..
Life went beserk.

I made my final payments in August and October...
Heaven help me....

I booked my airfare....
I lost all confidence about going.

I started to prepare for the trip...
I trip and end up leaving for the retreat with a swollen wounded ankle and a skinned up knee.

Why do I bring all of this up?  You need a clear understanding of my mental, physical and emotional state when I boarded my flight that left at 5:55 am on December 8th to understand the transformation that occurred.   I've come to the realization that I needed to be at a low point to be open to what happened.

What did happen, you ask?
I found home.

I'll explain that in detail later, but first some details about the trip....

December 8th, I flew from SLC to LA to Puerta Vallerta, Mexico.  I made all of my connections and my luggage made my flights.  Off to a good start.  :)  I left Salt Lake in below freezing temps, landed in LA in fog (could not see more than 50 feet out the plane's window), and at my final destination....
85 degrees...  my idea of perfection.

Haramara Retreat the resort where I was heading, is about 30 miles north of Puerta Vallerta, so I waited for a few of my fellow yogis, including Ann to fly in.  We loaded up our shuttle and headed out.  A little information about the retreat.  It was planned and organized by a yoga studio, Flow Yoga, in Hood River Oregon and attended by yogis from all over the country.   On my shuttle, Utah, Georgia, Minnesota and Wisconsin were represented with Oregon, Washington, California, Ohio and Alaska joining in later.

Just a glimpse of the resort...

a walkway thru the resort

Haramara was built without any heavy machinery and is designed to get you back to nature.  There are no phones in your casitas.  No power either... you use candles and kerosene lamps.  Cell phones don't really work there.  The quiet is stunning and powerful.  By the end of the week, you are waking with the sun and going to bed following the rhythm of light and dark.

my room, notice the mosquito netting you would pull around your bed at night

The schedule for the week went like this...
7am wakeup...
throw on yoga clothes and head to breakfast
8:30  Chanting and meditation
9-10:30  morning yoga
break time (for non yoga teachers like me)
12-1 AMAZING LUNCH (3 courses)
break time (for non yoga teachers like me)
4:45-6 afternoon yoga
6-7 Oh, my heavens yummy dinner (I could write a whole post about the food)
7-9 Satsang..... Eastern Philosphy, Meditation and discussion
9 bedtime...

As you can tell, yoga would be one of the major focuses of my week.  Were you paying attention at the beginning when I told you that my ankle was wounded?  Well, it was.. a nice shade of technicolor with some swelling to boot.  No strength for balancing poses at all... Great!...my strength, pun intended, in yoga has always been my strength....flexibility is an ongoing challenge and goal.  For two times a day, I was going to have to accept my limitation and let my yoga practice be exactly as it was for the day.  AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!  Not my greatest strength, I'll tell you.  If I've done a pose before, I will do it again.  My competitive nature just doesn't let me back up in progress without some grief.  Learning and acceptance would have to occur for my sanity to remain intact.

During my freetime, I would read (The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle), hang out on the the beach and dip my toes in the warm waters of the ocean, or go into the town of Sayulita, a 2 mile walk from the resort.  On one of my adventures into town, I did an item off my bucket list..I attempted to learn to surf.  :)

Haramara's beach

Surfing lesson, pre water...tip of the day..if you learn to surf, try and do it when you don't have a hurt right ankle and a skinned left knee.. (it really gets in the way)

Evening Satsang proved to be exclamation mark on the day.  It would reinforce all of the things that had happened during the day.  The main focus of the talks would was the idea of 'being in the moment'.  Sometimes, Adi, our discussion leader, would say something that was almost a direct quote from the book was I reading.  It was like the universe making sure I got it.

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, I turned inward.  I spent a lot of time alone during freetime reading, journaling and thinking about the patterns and behaviors of my life.  It wasn't anti social, it was just a quiet space I desperately needed.  I worked thru some things, I had not dared to do before and some other stuff that I thought I had....  I'm not sure that I would of done the work without the peace and quiet of Haramara.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I found my bliss.  I started to spend my free time with the other retreaters.  Conversations varied; some deep, some light...  My yoga practice started to turn around, not physically, my ankle was still giving me grief, but the true reason of yoga..the mental side.  My mind began to quite down.

Friday night at Satsang, we started talking about going to home and the hustle and noise of life, when Adi simply stated, 'You are home'.

Alarm bells ringing, fireworks going off, and the deep realization that he was right.

I was home.

I was no where near anything familiar, but I was home.

Not a physical address...
but that place deep inside of you that knows without question that you are all that you need.

I was home....

Saturday afternoon, I left Haramara and returned to Salt Lake.  My ankle was still a little swollen and my knee still a little banged up, but my mind and soul were in such a better place.

I was home.

Melissa