10 Random Things...

My writing binge of June has faded away, and ideas have come in but not enough for a whole blog, so I decided to revive a 10 random things entry, so July doesn't fly by without at least one.

#1.  Holy Cats has it been a HOT HOT and DRY summer!  It rained for about 5 minutes the other day and I was excited as a kid at Christmas!

#2.  Ice Blocks are back in stores...  I searched and searched last summer when family was in town last summer to no avail, this year, as they were visiting again, I FOUND them!!  We were able to revive a summer time tradition of tempting fate and injury and ice blocking down the hill at Sugarhouse Park.

#3.  Did you know that at the Winter Olympic Park in Park City you can do extreme tubing?  You cruise down the ski jumping hills and can reach speeds of 50 mph...  Here's a little video.. and I did it!

#4.  Sometimes you need visitors to come to town to become a tourist in your own area again.  It's fun  to do the things that on the surface seem touristy...  My tip, don't wait until someone comes to town, get out and explore your area so you know the really fun stuff.

#5.  I've started knitting stuffed animals to giveaway.  I'm leaning towards donating them to 'The Teddy Bear Cops Program' which gives them to cops for them to give to kids in accidents and other stressful incidents.  I've got to check to see if SLC has a program set up, if not I may start one up....

#6.  My tv viewing has plummeted this summer and I haven't even missed it....  It's going to be interesting to see what happens in the fall.

#7.  I have joined the ranks of Red Butte Garden Volunteers...  I am a second generation volunteer as my Mom is a volunteer as well.  I have done one shift and had a wonderful time.  I can't wait to have more opportunities to get involved.

#8.  Miss Bacall's favorite summertime activity is hanging out on the porch, so it has been a lot of fun to talk to all my neighbors and dogs as they stroll past....

#9.  My health journey is an adventure....  I am recovering, not as fast as I would like, but I am recovering.  There have been a few hiccups, but no major setbacks.  The main thing that has come out of this whole thing, I LOVE my medical team.  They are a mixture of traditional and for lack of a better word non traditional approaches and they work together!

#10.  Don't go into shock, but I am still rolling forward on my New Year's Resolutions!!!  My pushups are almost there!  My bad habit just got another reason to stay away.  My book challenge is going nicely, and for the most part, I have enjoyed the books.  I've seen movies in theaters!  My food challenge is keeping me on my toes in the kitchen.  My daily walk has had some misses, but has started a wonderful routine that connects me to my neighborhood.  The Weird Holidays have been SO MUCH FUN!!!!  and I now have others giving me suggestions now!

I hope your summer is going well!

Melissa

Diving into Procrastination....

I have edited, completely rewritten, and ignored this post long enough....

I started it in late February,
couldn't find the words I wanted, so I left it alone for a while.

I revisited it in early March,
and found I was in a mood to write privately, not here in my blog.

By late March,
I felt like too much time had passed to write it.

On the 5th day of April,
I have decided to just do it......

To write about my Polar Bear Plunge

or

How something that gets all messed up and ends up perfectly.

(Are you listening Melissa?  It doesn't have to be perfect)
Life lesson here....

I was supposed to do the Utah Special Olympic's Polar Plunge at Utah Lake on February 7th, a Saturday.

If you recall, I was in Georgia and it was 2 days after my Dad's death....
Plunging in Utah was not an option.

It dawned on me on that Saturday and I mentioned it to the family that was there, and they said, "Why don't you just jump into the pool here at Dad's house?"  It was unheated and I can verify COLD.

My original plan was to jump in my own clothes, but a better option was given, I would borrow clothes from family.

Standing on the pool deck, when it all seemed like a smart idea...

I dove...why, oh why did I dive?  The deeper I got, the colder it got...

completely submerged...

It wasn't where or how I had intended, but it was perfect.....

It shocked me out of deep grief and onto the road back to myself.....
It reminded me that in my last conversation with my Dad, I had mentioned I was doing a Polar Plunge and he had just laughed and said, "only you...."
It completed a Bucket List item in a very memorable way..
It reminded me of the love and support of family....
And it still raised money for a great cause.

It was not anywhere or how I had planned,
but I'm OK with that.

Life is a goofy, wonderful adventure that has twists and turns that you can never see coming...

I'm learning not only to embrace that, but
CELEBRATE it...

No more procrastination.
Dive in.
Melissa

Community....

In the past couple of weeks, I have come to realize what an amazing community of people I have in my life.

Some I see regularly,
Others not so much.

Some I talk to a lot,
Others randomly.

In the morning,
In the afternoon,
In the night,
Really all hours of the day....

In Person,
On the phone,
Text Messages,
Facebook,
Emails,
and every other form of communication you can think of.

I just want to say THANK YOU!!!  and I hope that I am there for you too.

I have been asked a question quite a bit lately and I have had a hard time answering it, but you have done it just the same.

"What can I do to help?"

You have held me in your love and support, and that is what I have needed.

Now that grief has lessened its initial grip, I have some things that I would like to suggest.  Some will be hard while others easier, but they are all important to me...

1.  This is a doozy, so I am going to start with this:
     Talk to your parents/spouses/significant others about end of life care.
When my Dad brought up what the subject for the first time, I balked.  I didn't want to talk about it, but he asked me to stay and it ended up being (believe it or not) a beautiful conversation.  Be honest.  Be accepting.  And realize this very important fact, if you talk to 10 people, you will get 10 very different decisions and wishes and they are all OK.   The conversation that I had with my Dad and the ones that he had with everyone else in the family made it so we KNEW what to do and there were no discussions and indecisions about what to do.  It strangely made it easier.....

2.  This is a practical one....
      Airlines have eliminated their Bereavement fares.
I have immediate family in 2 states separated by the majority of the continent.  Death/illness/accidents do not come with a 14 day advance warning.  Airfare purchased the day of is EXPENSIVE!!!!  Set aside some money for airfare if you are like me and have family far from you.  I had started a fund after the October health scare, but did not have near enough.  I was helped out by a friend who works with an airline, and if I did not have that option, family would of helped out.  Don't let financial issues keep you from being there.  I know money is tight, but trust me, family, especially in hard times is worth everything.

3.  Accept your emotions as they come.
    I have ugly cried.
    I have laughed.
    I have felt this is just weird.
    I have ached.
    I have been sentimental.
    I have been numb.
    I have had no appetite.
    I have been oh, so tired.
 
    and it is ok.  I am on the very strange journey of grief.

4.  Accept support when it is offered.
     If you are like me, and fairly independent, this may be a little hard.  People, who love you, just want to help in any way they can.  The support will be from expected and unexpected sources.   Accept that this is a time you are in need.

5.  Please know that I will be there for you....
    One of the greatest gifts of all of this is the firm knowledge that I have AMAZING people in my life who love and support me.  I feel the same about you.


The words that demanded to be put down are gone, so I will end this here.....

Feeling secure in my community,
Melissa

Mom....

It's my Mom's birthday today....
and I don't think she is getting any older, she's actually getting younger.

She roller skates, on skates she got for Christmas....
She's always up for anything....
She's willing to try new things...
She got introduced to Sephora and now is an addict like me....
She volunteers...
She knits hats for preemies and cancer patients....
She reads children's books...
She has fun and laughs a lot..

All of this information I've just given you should not give you the impression that she has had a life of ease or without complications, she has dealt with a lot....

But her greatest gift and lesson to me has been this...
Always keep moving forward.

So,
Mom,
I love you more than words....
Thankful for all that you have given me...
Beyond grateful for you always being there...

Happy Birthday!
Love
Melissa

Mind the Time...

It's that time of year, when I look back and see how I have done on my 2013 resolutions....

Here is the post that laid it out on the line...

#1.. Meditate every day.
        I did miss some days and ironically they were quiet lazy days, but I do have to say that I call this one good.  In fact, the title of the post, 'Mind the Time', is from the guided meditations that I did where Deepak Chopra led.  When it was time for meditation time on my own, he would say that he would mind the time and let me know when it was time to end the meditation.

       This is one of those resolutions that I chose to start a lifelong habit.  My mind this year has been the quietest and peaceful it has ever been and as I keep meditating I expect it to kept getting better.

#2..Swim a mile and then decrease the time.
      I was in the pool more this year than I have been in the past 3 years combined.  I got my mile time under 30 minutes, then my marathon training took over and I let my swimming become more of a quiet recovery workout.

      The balancing issue of my workouts sparked an idea for a 2014 resolution, so it's a learning curve.

#3..Communicate more.
      What I realized is that I am changing the way I communicate with family, friends and even myself.  The journaling technique that I used for many years no longer works for me, and once I accepted that and stopped beating myself up about missing days in my daily journal and wrote when I wanted and needed to---it became effortless and enjoyable again.

       I wrote more consistently here on my blog and have accepted that around the New Year, I want to write more, so December/January will generally always have more posts than any other time of the year.  What I have let go of is this---the idea that I have to have them done by a certain date.  Do you know when ideas are floating around in my head?  No, not until I hit the publish button to send the ideas into cyberspace.  Let it go, Melissa.  You are doing this blog for fun.

    There was one area that I need to improve on in communication...getting cards and notes out in a timely manner.  Once again, I will be building upon this year's resolution in 2014.  More details to come..

#4..Be Fearless!
     I actually think I did pretty good on this one.  My voice lessons, which I took from January until April, got rid of my fears of singing in a group, and I actually had fun!
    I took classes thru community education by myself in subjects I knew nothing about and met new people.
    I crossed items off my Bucket List and moved my life forward.
    Fear did crop in every once in a while, but I was more apt to plow thru it knowing this was a resolution for the year.  I may have to do this one more often in resolutions...

#5..Continue.
      Yes, I did.  In fitness, I completed 30 day challenges for planks, squats, wall sits, and push ups.  I ran a half marathon and will be running a full marathon on January 12, 2014.  Of course, there were ups and downs, little weight gains and then losses, but I kept going.
     In relationships both with myself and with others, they grew, got stronger, or if needed, moved on. It is always interesting to look back and see how things changes.  As you are living each day, most of the time, you do not notice all of the little changes, but when you look back you recognize the changes.
    I have also done quite a few items from my Bucket list.  I did my Bucket List to help me realize opportunities when they come into my life to do the items that matter to me, and that is another way of Continuing for me.

It has been interesting since I have been posting my Resolutions on my blog, my success rate has increased.  Is it the fact that I put them out there and therefore, I get more support?  Or is it, I feel more accountable?  Or is it I see them more often?

I have no idea...
I'm just going to accept it.

2014 resolutions are still getting firmed up and plans set, so just know they are coming.

Happy New Year....
Melissa

Overtime...

I think most of you know that I am a HUGE sports fan, especially football, but this post has nothing to do with sports despite the title.

I am in overtime with Humphrey.

One of my favorite pictures of Humphrey

Three weeks ago, today, Humphrey was getting off the couch on his pet stairs (we'll discuss how spoiled he is at a later date) when he suddenly seized up.  I immediately knew what it was having seen seizures in my brother.  Humphrey jerked and his eyes rolled back into his head and lost control of his bladder.  I had a brief moment of control and timed the event, because in my heart this seemed like it was going on forever. Reality shows the seizure lasted just over a minute.  When it was finally over, I was not even sure he survived the seizure.  It was absolutely terrifying.  I laid down on the floor with him to make sure he was breathing and to give both of us some comfort.

A phone call to the vet was next.  An appointment two hours later was made when they squeezed us in between other appointments.  During those two hours, I began to mentally prepare myself that this was then end.  It was brutal.  I think I cried for almost the entire time.  Humphrey was breathing, but that is about all I could say at this point.  He did not respond to his name.  He looked confused and out of it.  After about an hour, he attempted to stand up and needed some help.  He had very little control over his body.  My heart broke once again.  I could tell he needed to go to the bathroom, but he had no idea where to go.  Bacall and I led him out to the backyard and Humphrey followed out of love and trust.  We led him back in, because he did not know to come back inside.

His heart was beating, but it was like Humphrey, as I knew him, was gone.

It was finally time for the appointment, and I loaded up the dogs and went to the vet.  Bacall would not leave Humphrey's side, so she had to go, too..  She was all excited until she realized that we were at the vet, then I had two worrywarts at the vet.  Me and Bacall.

The first thing Dr. Gold did was calm me down.  He was actually pretty excited that Humphrey could walk in (it was a good sign).  I learned that seizures in dogs are more common that I had previously thought and more importantly, it was not a death sentence.  Epilepsy is even seen in dogs and with medication can be managed like it is in humans.  Whew.

The next thing that happened was that I learned I was in a 24, then a 48 hour window, before we decided anything.  Seizures can take up to 48 hours to recover from in dogs.  No medication was dispensed and we were sent home.

Humphrey was still out of it and it ended up being a very long 24 hours.  He had to be led outside when he would stand up, due to the fact, he did not remember how to go outside.  When he got outside, he would do his business and then just lay outside.  The temperatures that night were near freezing.  Bacall would go out and bark at him and nag him back inside.  During that long night, Bacall became a great sister to H.  She took care of him, worried about him, and for once did not challenge him in any way.

We made it thru the night and I called the vet to give an update.  Humphrey was starting to recognize his name and seemed a little more with it.

I was to call after another 24 hours.... the very important 48 hour mark.  Night two went better and he was starting to want food and snacks.  (A key indicator in Humphrey is whether he wants food, if he doesn't, you know something major is up)

By the end of 48 hours, I was no long having to escort him in and out to the bathroom; he responded to his name and could walk well, slowly, but well.

Humphrey was all the way back.

Whew.

Another phone call to the vet......
We now need to go 30 days without another seizure.  If he does have one within the 30 day window, he will most likely go on medication.  The vet's main concern is that Humphrey is 10 years old and seizures, especially major ones like he had, are hard to recover from.  I understood.....

I am in overtime with Humphrey.
We have had a AMAZING time during regulation and I got bonus time.
To cherish.
To enjoy.

He is a bundle of love.  He is happy.  He is not in pain.

He is, however, weaker than he was before the seizure.  He sleeps a bit more.  His walks take longer, but he still wants to go.  His back legs, sometimes, take a little bit to get going when he stands up.

We have a week to go before the 30 day mark.  I hope he makes it without another seizure.
But if he does, we'll get thru it and make the best decisions for him.

A dog lover....
Melissa

Interwoven Stories

For the past year or so, I have been scanning old slides and photographs onto my computer, and I've become intrigued by the photos of my grandparents, parents and other relatives when they were younger and of the lives they led before they became the title I have for them.

My paternal Grandmother passed away when my Dad was in college.  I have her name and her coloring, but have never seen a photograph of her.

My paternal Grandfather, Pop as everyone called him, passed when I was 5.  I have fleeting memories of sitting in his lap and how big he was.

Pop, after a bird hunt

My maternal Grandfather passed away when my Mom was a child.  In reading old letters and seeing pictures of him, I have his eye coloring and his dry sense of humor.

A photograph that I had never seen until I started scanning of my maternal Grandfather

My maternal Grandmother passed away before I was six.  I remember eating bread and milk out of these great aluminum glasses, pink peppermint candies, and the cepachol mouthwash in her bathroom.

My maternal Grandmother, Amy

In scanning the photographs, I have seen more pictures of my Grandparents that I even knew existed.  Sure, they were in albums ready for my viewing at any time or in slides, but I never really took the time to see them.  For me, history is boring if it's dates and charts of names and birthdates, but give me a personal memory, a photograph or a journal and I'll dive right in.  The reason why I started scanning...no one had a slide viewer anymore and we were going to lose the memories.  The snowball started with that, so I then looked at old photo albums and realized, we were losing the pictures as well, due to age.

After learning more about my Grandparents, I started in on my parents photos.  We enter our parents lives with their stories well in progress.  If we're lucky, we learn about the stories that lead them to the points were we enter their lives.  The trouble they got into as kids; their achievements; their disappointments; and their dreams.

My Mom grew up in Orderville, Utah, graduated from college at the age of 40, taught First Grade for 27 years, and fostered my love of reading.  Girls, I think, are more apt to have journals and scrapbooks, so I have been going through my mom's.  I have learned things that I would of never have known by scanning them.  Memories have been brought back for her and I've met the child, teenager and young adult that she was.  It's been really amazing.

My Mom, back in the day

My Dad grew up in Pine Mountain, Georgia,  graduated from Georgia Tech, was in Army, blew a lot of stuff up in his career, and can build anything you ask him for.  I asked him not too long ago, if he had any old photos or things of the like from his childhood and he told me that there wasn't anything to do.....nothing remained or he did have them.  It dang near broke my heart, because in learning about his past, I would of learned even more about him...

My Dad, back in the day

My parents divorced when I was 16....
it took a long time for me to realize that while they were not right for each other,
they are the perfect parents for me.

I am not done scanning photos and old documents of my parents and now I've even started on the photographs I've taken of friends and my life throughout the years.  I don't want to lose these memories and it is my privilege to save them.

A little introspective,
Melissa