A Package Deal.....

So I forgot to write in November and just barely realized it, so to finish the year of monthly blogs, you're getting a double dose....

I got kinda of quiet to close this year out.  It wasn't a depression, it was more of a massive inward reflection time and I do not regret it at all.  I cut back on things, but did not completely disappear.  I hung out with AMAZING people and had fun, but I said no to the chaos.  It was WONDERFUL!

I'm going to confess something, I am so over the commercialism of the Holliday season.  The ads that start WAY too early, the store displays in OCTOBER, the BUY, BUY, BUY for one day.  I struggled with finding my Christmas spirit when I was so annoyed with that aspect of the holiday season.  It's something I need to work on...

I did my Christmas agreements again this year and that was nice and kept some traditions that I love and enjoy doing.  I spent a lovely Thanksgiving with extended family and yes, stayed out of stores all weekend long.  I connected, not shopped.....

I think that is what this past year has been about for me, connections....  How to maintain, how to re-establish, how to just connect in a world that seems to be about the go, go, go..  Letting go of what people think and just doing what feels right.  I know that for the most part I don't go with the flow much anymore, I'm finding my own current and my wish for you is that you find your own.......

Feeling reflective,
Melissa

See ya, September!

Another month has come and gone in a blink of an eye......

The weather has finally started to feel like fall, WAHOOOOOOO!!  It was a hot, DRY, DRY summer!

The Red Butte Concert season came to a close on the 17th with Billy Idol, but before him, Trombone Shorty (if you know nothing about him, google him immediately!!!) and O.A.R with Matt Nathanson (my new musical crush, he's adorable on stage and I love his music).  I'm always conflicted about the end of the season, I am happy for the crazy busy part to be over but at the same time, I always miss the music!

A migraine update, I got botox and a new medication for when one hits, and I have not had one since the changes!!!!  It feels like a minor miracle after all of the ones I had in a row.  I was slightly disappointed and teased my doctor that my botox would make me look younger, but the dosage and locations of my migraine botox does nothing for the cosmetic side.  ;)

I also had an eye exam and am officially blind as a bat and without the sonar capabilities.  I am getting used to my new prescription.  Let's just say, if they ever change that big E on the eye chart, I am in big trouble.  The good news, my vision is completely fixable with glasses or contacts to the point of 20/15.

If you went to Pioneer Memorial Theatre during the run of 'Oslo', you will know why I am about to rave about this play, and if you didn't, or don't live in the area, if you see it being performed in your area, GO!!!!!!!  Do not be discourage by its running length-almost 3 hours-the time flies and the subject matter is engrossing.  I don't want to give too much away but 'Oslo' is a Tony winning drama play and based on a real life event......

The Broadway Across America, SLC schedule, kicked in on the 30th for me with 'Waitress'.  There was a musical number that may of been one of the funniest scenes I have ever witnessed on stage.  I was crying I was laughing so hard.  People ask me all the time why I put the money into my season tickets and this show summed it up completely, I would of seen it advertised and maybe purchased tickets, but probably would of forgotten and I would of ended up missing it.  My season tickets get me to shows that I would probably miss and some that I would of never purchased tickets for, and do you want to hear something really interesting, some of my favorite shows are the ones that I would of never gotten tickets for without my season tickets.....

Bacall is massively cheering the cooler temps!  She still goes on walks, very, very slow walks, but walks nonetheless.  She is such a happy soul.....  Meeko has been in a very sociable mood lately, so if you stop by, you might actually see her....

The UofU football team is going to give me an ulcer this year.  The game against Washington State about drove me over the edge....  I'm still a fan, I will always be a fan, but good grief.

I hope September was a good month for you!
Melissa

my art for the month, a koala I knitted...

Weedy Wisdom

There are a few trees in my yard that in the spring drops little seed pods.  In a normal year, a few of them sprout and I weed them out of the flower beds, however, this year, due to the cool temps and rain, it seemed like a couple million of them took hold.

seed pod weeds at the base of my roses

Every time I turned around there were more of them to pull.  It got a wee bit frustrating and all I could see in the garden were weeds.  I had lost sight of the big picture.....

the big picture, when weeds exist but aren't the focus....

Then it happened, quite unexpectedly,
a change in my thinking and attitude...

There is a HUGE lesson in weeds and weeding, for me at least.

You have to decide what is worth cultivating and taking care of,

Yarrow in the garden

and just as important,

you have to decide what to eliminate.....

another crazy weed

There is a gardening quote that goes a something like this, 'a weed is just a flower that you don't like', and sometimes it's just the location where it's growing that makes it a problem.  For example, I love mint, but always keep in a pot, so it doesn't strangle and take over everything in the area.  Lovely plant in a pot, but in the earth, I would treat it like a weed.

The little seed pod weeds would be appreciated if I needed more trees in my yard, but as I already have more trees than I know what to do with, they are a problem, so I need to take them out.

And here is the thing about weeds, if you don't dig down and get to the root of the problem, they are gonna come back and you'll be dealing with the exact same problem in a week or two.

Combine all the lessons above and that's how I realized that weeding has a bunch of stuff to teach me...

Sometimes to grow, you have to let go and get rid of the things you no longer need.....

Lamb's Ear on the parkway

Sometimes to thrive, you need to change locations so you will be appreciated....

Dianthus in the east bed

Sometimes you have to dig a bit deeper to get to the root of an issue, so it can finally be dealt with...

the elusive and precious Basset in bloom...

and the one I love the most, if you do a bit of work, you can see the results...



Learning from unexpected places,
Melissa

365 days.....

I'm not really sure how it has happened, but it has been a year since my Dad died.

How is that even possible?
Time, this year, has passed with light speed and dragged like it was going through cold molasses,
and yet here I am a year later..

Grief has been an interesting journey as I dealt with, survived and slogged through this year of firsts.  I have found that on the major days, birthdays, holidays and this anniversary, I go quiet.  I start avoiding looking at the pictures of him I have in my room and on my phone and I avoid Facebook and other social sites for the same reason.  In fact, I'm writing this in advance, because I know I need to express this, but as the actual date approaches (February 5), I will retreat into quiet.

The quiet is what is right for me....
at first, I tried to fight it, but I learned that if I just accept and flow through the quiet, I come out on the other side with new insights and peace that I didn't have before and if I don't fight it, it only lasts a day or so..

For the rest of the time, your help, advice and support has been right.  It's a mix and a balance and I'm sure that he would of been proud of me for finding this balance and making it through.

In the past year, I have found photos I had forgotten about of the two of us and have framed a couple of them and have them on my dresser where I see them daily.  My one true regret is that I was often behind the camera or avoided having my picture taken with my Dad because I didn't like my hair or I thought I looked fat or some other reason...  WHY?  Why did I let my insecurities get in the way of a memory?  It is a mistake that I am fixing with those still in my life...

One of the weirder thing that caused me grief until I had to let it go was his number in my phone and on my favorites list.  I can not tell you how many times that I had a question for him and dialed his number and it wasn't until I hit dial that I would remember and then get clobbered by grief....  Ironically, once I took his number off his phone, it didn't hurt as much and I started a new ritual.  I asked him anyway.  Quietly, in my head, and then I listen....  I generally get an answer pretty quick and I hear his voice in my head as I do, and you know what, the answer has been right and exactly what I needed.

And that is when I realized the most important thing of this year of grief....
he is still with me
and I am still his daughter.

Love your daughter....
Melissa

An Adult's View versus A Child's Memory

This past week, I journeyed back to Georgia for a Celebration weekend of my Dad's life and did something I had not done in a very long time, I spend some time in the town where I grew up in and realized some things...

Even sleepy, quiet Southern towns change and grow and Pine Mountain, Georgia is no exception.  Some things I recognized right off the bat, others I did not remember at all, and most shockingly, there were some that had been added since I left......Isn't weird that we think our childhood haunts will never change?

A bit of my personal history, from the time I was 6 to 13, I lived in Pine Mountain.  It was the first place I had lived for over a year and a half.  There is a part of me that still considers it home.  The years there were ones of my childhood, before teenage rebellion and change started.  I have a lot of happy memories of that time....

My Dad was born in Pine Mountain, so his family history is there too...  During my childhood years, he worked for Callaway Gardens, which more information and history can be found here, so Callaway became my playground.

Every summer, I LIVED at the Beach...but I guess I better explain how landlocked west central Georgia has a beach.  It is a man made lake that they trucked sand in and made beaches on the shore.  

I'm probably the only person to ever capture humidity in a photo...my camera was having a hissy fit and kept fogging up...

Walking down the grassy area to the beach, I had a Child's Memory versus my Adult View moment.  I SWEAR to you the grassy area was longer.....I guess it was just my shorter height and child perspective that made me remember it that way.  It was a weird shift to see it as it really is.

a view of Robin Lake Beach at Callaway Gardens

As I strolled along the beach, for a quick visit, and to get some sand for my sand bottle, I was bombarded with memories that I had not thought of in YEARS..friends, first crushes, events, you name it came back to me.

The WaterSki Pavilion at the Beach

One memory that immediately came to mind was the day I learned to water ski on this lake.  When I was growing up, there was a waterski show every afternoon at the Beach and the performers taught lessons.  On Junior skis and with a very cute instructor, I found balance on skis and got up for the first time.

I bet you are wondering why for a resort named Callaway Gardens, I have not even mentioned the gardens...It's another Child's Memory vs Adult's View thing.  The beach was my playground, as a kid, and where if I had my choice I would go.  The gardens were for behaving and walking slowly, not so much fun for an adventurous kid.  As an adult, however, and especially on HOT, HOT, HUMID days, the garden is where I chose to go...

for the beautiful colors

for the variety

And what I began to realize was even in the calm and quiet, you can still find whimsy and laughter....

A Lion....

And his Tamer....

And  fun and adventure....but also enjoy the peace....

The Chapel at Callaway Gardens

The amazing stained glass windows

In the Chapel, I had my most profound Child's Memory vs. Adult's View moment.  Along the side walls, not pictured, are more stained glass panels.  I was immediately drawn to them....

and noticed details I had never seen before....

Nature was infused into the glass....

The small details that make up the bigger picture are beautiful and taking time to realize they are there and a part of the bigger picture gives you a better understanding of the whole.

I'm glad I got to go back for a day to get this new view and bring together my Childhood Memories with my View as an Adult.  My only regret is that I did not get to see everyone from my memories.....

Appreciating both perspectives..

Melissa

10 Random Items

I haven't written in a while, mainly due to the fact that I haven't had a whole blog post worth of an idea to write about, but then tonight, I remembered I had done a random post in the past and really enjoyed it and so here we go again...

Random.

Disjointed..

Thoughts...

#1.  While I love the rain and moisture we have been receiving the past couple of weeks here in Salt Lake City, I need some sunshine and dry weather to complete a project in my front yard.  I am putting in a concrete cobblestone walkway.  I have a great mold from Quikcrete and have asked questions, watched videos and prepared myself for another home improvement project.  I just need clear skies.

#2.  I am learning how to row/crew.  The weather, mentioned above, is also interfering with this as well.  Believe it or not, I row on the Great Salt Lake!!!!  And once you get out of the marina and on to the lake, the lake stink goes away and the views are stunning.  I will be doing a longer post when I finish my lessons and get some pictures.  It is unbelievably fun and a great workout!

#3.  My New Year's Resolutions are going ok.....  I have had some misses, but I am getting better.  One of the resolutions is getting revamped, the approach was WAY more complicated than it needed to be, so I am going to simplify it and let you know....

#4.  I have been rediscovering my Art gene.  As you may recall, I have been taking watercolor classes and now I have been introduced to Art Journaling.  I love the process!  When I get braver, I'll post some of my work on here so you can see it.

#5.  I am still doing my cardio kickboxing on a regular basis.  I still struggle with full pushups, but there has been a slight improvement.

#6.  Go see 'The Avengers: Age of Ultron'.  It is funny, snarky, and a good action film.

#7.  My vegetable garden is finally all in.  Tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, kale, carrots, radishes, lettuce, and strawberries are all growing....

#8.  It has been interesting, to me anyway, to see the growth in me on issues that I have faced this year.  I have finally taken book knowledge and turned it into my own personal knowledge.  I have to acknowledge the guides, teachers and events that have led me to this.

#9.  With the end of the tv season, I am not that sad about shows ending.  My tv watch list gets smaller and smaller every year, and I am ok with that.

#10.  I am stopping with 10 things as a tribute to David Letterman's Top Ten Lists......  I loved watching Late Night back in the day....  His wardrobe has dramatically improved over the years.

Well...
I'm off...
Melissa

In or Out of Motivation...

Have you ever had a thought or idea that keeps getting presented to you?

It has been happening to me a lot lately, in terms of a deceptively simple question.

Are you doing something in fear?
Or out of Love?

Over and over again, I was asked that question..
and I realized something.

I had been doing something right for the wrong reason.

It was not something that was easy to admit or sit with, but it explained quite a bit.  It explained why I had never been consistent for the long term and why I was having to start over once again.

I asked myself if I was doing it out of Fear?  Or in Love?

Sounds simple enough right?  The kicker, once you ask the question,  it really is.

I was exercising out of fear.

It dominated every moment of my workouts.  If I missed a workout, it meant I was wrong and made me feel guilty.  It made me a neurotic mess on race day mornings, because if I did not make a certain time, I was not good enough...

For fear, it is never enough....

Love, on the other hand, accepts....

Love accepts that today you felt like going for a long walk around your neighborhood, instead of a run that you were dreading doing because you were worn out and tired.  It is just happy you did something active and healthy for yourself.

Love accepts you are today.  It does not require you to be 20 pounds lighter.  Love does not require tight abs.  Love wants you to accept yourself as you are today.

Love wants you to find a passion that goes beyond race day or whatever goal you have set.  It wants you happy on race day and beyond.

Since I have been home, I have been planning my workouts out of a place of acceptance and love.  I have moved a workout by a day and felt so much better for it.  I went to a restorative yoga class instead of a more vigorous one and felt better for it.

The most important part of it all,
I have not felt guilt once.
I have felt love.....

Melissa

Guides and Doubt

A sign along the way

Two days before I left for the Yoga retreat I was going to, I began to doubt whether I should attend.  I was not at 'the right weight' to practice yoga; my muscles were tight and not at my most flexible; and my energy levels were at the bottom of the meter.  I doubted my ability and even my right to go...the only reason I was even considering going was the amount of money I had spent for airfare and the week of accommodations.

Then a guide, in the form of my Mom, told me to go and I would be ok.......

I went with a fair amount of trepidation, but I went.

The first night, at our introductory Satsang, Swami Omkarananda, who was going to be one of our teachers for the week, told us about his doubts as he was at the gate at the airport as he was starting his journey from India to Mexico.  He called his Guru and said he did not think he was going to get on the plane.  His Guru told him he needed to go and that it would be ok......

I was shocked.  

Why would he have doubts?  He looks like he has it all together........

But I had forgotten something important,

We all have doubts......

But more importantly, we all have guides to help us along the way if we are willing to listen to them.

So listen,

and be a guide if you are needed

and listen to one if they are placed in your life.

Thank you to all of my Guides,

whether you have said "Welcome" when I arrived at an event to calm a fear, 

or to the ones who have said "Go" when I needed to leave,

or to the ones who have said that exact word or phrase or sentence that have brought me Peace.

I Thank You All!!!!!!

Melissa

The Return.....

Two years ago, I went to a yoga retreat in Sayulita, Mexico, and it put me on a very good path.....

When the opportunity opened to attend again, I immediately said, "YES!"  It was going to be wonderful to attend with out any injury and my life in a good place.  You can read about my experiences from two years ago, here and here.

In January of this year, life was going well in all aspects, physically, emotionally, and financially.  If you have been reading the blog this year, you know that there have been some big events that have knocked me off of that stable ground.  I had no clue how much I needed to attend until I got there....

So my Return was not only to Haramara Resort but to myself......

The Hammock where I found myself again....

My yoga practice was once again, not in the best place, thanks to tight muscles and emotions held in me, but I learned a very important lesson this time.  Yoga is not all about the asanas, or physical practice, it is so much more.

It is also about being kind to yourself....forgiving yourself, speaking kindly to yourself, and living in the present.  It is also about doing those things to others in your life.  If you are not doing those things, your physical practice will not go well.  It may be a great physical exercise, but it will not be yoga.

As a result, I spent a lot of my time at a yoga retreat not doing the physical practice.  I attended the Asana class almost every day, but spent quite a bit of my time in Child's Pose or another restorative pose.  I had to take my ego out of it and do what was right for my mind and body.  It was no easy task for the first couple of days, but as the week progressed I did yoga by doing a very simple pose due to the fact that I did it with intention and acceptance.  I am so very grateful for the instructors who allowed that freedom in the classes.

I pushed through unsettled emotions and old habits with specific activities and in journaling to the point of my new pen running out of ink...  I asked questions when I was blocked....  I listened and processed a lot of information...  I realized that every person that was there with me was a teacher....

In other words, I returned....
and learned tricks and tips and accepted offers of help to not let it get so bad if circumstances happen in the future, so it does not require a week long intensive to get me back.

I signed up when life was wonderful and had expectations I would arrive at my best....
However, life had another plan to make sure I had learned previous lessons, and to be quite honest, I had learned some, but not the heart of them.  (I'll do another blog about this later to explain.)  I had at least learned enough to go.....

Returned to myself...
Melissa

Finding my Balance...

I've been a little quiet lately...
in real life and here on my blog.

I needed time to find my balance again after this crazy period.

First of all,
my Dad is on the road to recovery.  It was crazy how fast it all turned around.  I spent a little over a week in Georgia visiting and helping them out.  Plus, I got the added bonus of spending some time with my brother, his wife, and daughter.  :)

I feel like I am getting back to me again....
and that I handled and survived all that was thrown at me pretty well.

I now have a plan for something that I had no clue that I needed to have a plan for....
I now know how I respond in extreme stress situations, and quite honestly, it surprised me.
I now know that I have an amazing support system, not just in theory.  (and not just family)
I now know that no matter what happens, it will be ok.

Life is a crazy adventure...
and in January when this year was just getting going,
I would of never guessed what I would have to deal with all of this,
but I, at least, knew that a Retreat in Mexico would be a good idea in December.

I leave tomorrow....

Thank you for being there for me,
when I'm really chatty or when I'm really quiet.

Melissa

Infinite Love....

On Monday night, while taking pictures of the 'SuperMoon', I was astounded and upset when my camera, which was on a tripod, was knocked over and the parents of the kid who did it said very bluntly and rudely...

"It's your problem, not mine."

It destroyed my lens and camera.

And for a moment, my optimism.........

Why are people so mean?  Why do people not care?  When did it become acceptable to be cruel?

Then, it began....

the kindness,
the words of comfort,
the care.

I realized something very, very important,

what we focus on is what we see.

There is good in the world and in life, and when the random moments where meanness, lack of care, or cruelty come into our lives,

focus on the good...

because it is still there and it will help heal the wounds from those that are not.

Believe in Infinite Love...
Melissa

Moving Forward....

I thought I would give an update on how we are doing around here....

We are ok.

Humphrey's death clobbered me and I am still grieving.  I do not think that I have been hit as hard by a dog's death as I have been by his.  He was my boy.....  I think the trust that he gave me and the patience I learned from him were such life lessons that he went deeper into my heart.  I have had a bit of the blahs and have fallen back onto the Diet Coke crutch, which is something I will be working on (avoiding emotional eating and Diet Coke consumption), but I can only handle so much at once.   Going to Georgia for almost a week really helped, but I will still tear up at certain times of the day or when the silence gets to me.  It turns out he was a fairly noisy dog.  Snorting, sighing, barking to get your attention, and the such which kept the noise and energy level fairy high around here for a basset hound's house anyway.

Bacall is a much quieter dog.  I never knew how quiet until now.  It's been interesting to figure out how to interact with her without trying to replicate the things I used to do with Humphrey.  I have never had one on one time with her, Humphrey was always in the background.  She will sigh or give the basset hound equivalent of an eye roll when I do something that is not her style.  Adding to her grief, and she is grieving, while she was at boarding, she managed to get an infection on the skin on her neck and has been one sick little camper the past week.  She is on a steroid, antibiotics, and a cream to help fight the infection.  Since the early part of May, she has lost 6 pounds.  Fortunately her appetite is starting to come back and I am seeing glimpses of her sunny personality.

Once Bacall is feeling better, I will be adding another dog to the mix.  Not a puppy and probably not a Basset, but I don't get to decide, Bacall will.......

I've decided to deal with myself with a bit of grace with everything that has happened lately and not beat myself with those negative comments that pop into my head.  I have not exercised with regularity and  the Diet Coke issue, so I have gained a couple of pounds... grrrr.  I am now recognizing it and getting back on the wagon, so maybe that is the lesson of all of this.

Just keep moving forward.
And forgive yourself if you just need to stand still for a bit to catch your breath....

Healing,
Melissa

A bunch of stuff...

I haven't written in a while...
I've been having thoughts about what to write, but they don't seem to be enough for an entire blog, so I have not done one.

Well, that ends today with a Random Thoughts blog.

It will be disjointed.
It will be random.
It will be ok.

1.  I love to read and discover new authors, but get very frustrated when I LOVE the first book I read by an author and then am bored to death by the next two by the same author.

2.  I quit playing Candy Crush on my phone for a couple of reasons.  Do you know much time was being sucked into that game?  Too Much. And, more importantly, I found out it was ripped off from a guy who had invented it for his mom who was battling cancer.  Why would I play the ripoff after hearing that?

3.  I started taking American Sign Language classes last week.  It is something I have always wanted to do and finally found a class that works with my schedule.  I can sign the alphabet, numbers up to 10, yes and no, and the phase, "Hi, my name is Melissa.  Nice to meet you."  Not bad for my first week!  And here is a bit of useful information, the deaf community prefers Deaf or Hard of Hearing (if there is some hearing ability).  They consider Hearing Impaired an insult.

4.  Even though, we did not have a hard or exceptionally snowy winter, I am ready for spring.  I am having a hard time, however, getting motivated for the projects in my yard however.

5.  Remember how I was redoing the bathroom?  I talked about it here.  I have yet to get the doors off of the cabinet.  I now have VERY VERY strong opinions about people who paint over hinges.  I got sooooo frustrated by the whole situation that I stopped even thinking about it for a while.  I have a plan, it involves paint stripper. grrrr.

6.  Humphrey has not had another seizure!!!!!  I am still in Overtime and enjoying every moment of it.  He has a fatty tumor, non cancerous, under his right front leg, but I am treating it with essential oils, since surgery is not an option for him.  He is slow on walks, but still HAS to go out every day and generally loves his life.

7.  I have gotten into Essential Oils.  I think it is just the evolution of eating better, cleaning without toxic chemicals, and a hopefully environmentally friendly lifestyle.  I use DoTERRA oils and am now a Independent Consultant.  If you are interested in them, let me know.

8.  For the current season of the Utah Symphony/Opera, I bought a mini 6 performance pass.  Five of them were for the Symphony, but one was for the Opera.  I saw La Traviata in January.  I fell in love.
With Opera.  Me, who always said that the women always sounded like they were screeching, fell in love.  I ended up getting tickets for Turandot and it cemented my love.  Ironically, I still am not a fan when just listening to a cd of the women, but when you combine the live performance with the set and pageantry of it all, I'm good to go.

9.  I am still doing pretty well on my New Year's Resolutions.  YA!  There is one that may end up being tweaked, but I can not figure out how.  It's one about finishing projects in a timely and sane manner.  I'm struggling to figure out how to complete items but take the pressure off of having to get it done.

10.  I am very hard on myself when I make a mistake.  It is one of the things that I struggle with and continue to work on.  I spiral. And then spiral some more. Until in my mind, everything is wrong.  This past week has been a summary of that.  Spiraling and working on it and getting help and coming back.

So there you have it,
my life in the past little bit in a nutshell.

Progress and regression.
Learning.
Savoring.
Frustrating and Wonderful.
Life.

Melissa

It's in the Cards?

I took one the of the more off the wall items off my Bucket List today.

I had a Tarot Card reading.

There is a wonderful store in Salt Lake City called "Dancing Crane Imports" that I go to find candles and unique home items or gifts.  I was in there this week and noticed today they were hosting a Psychic Fair.

Yep, I'm in....

There were a lot of different options for the readings--who knew there were so many different types of energy/psychic reading options?  I went with the basic Tarot Card reading.

I was a little nervous not really knowing what to expect, but it turned out to be very cool.

It was on point for what was going on in my life and the interpretation of the cards made a lot of sense for me.

Will I do it again?  Yes...
It was a fun afternoon out and not expensive.   I would also like to have my palms read and also have a psychic readings. (I just find all of it very interesting.)

I will not, however, use them to figure out my life or what to do.  I will use it as a fun and somewhat educational experience about myself.

Read by a Tarot Deck
Melissa

Resolute!

I heard on the radio the other day that by the end of January, most people have already given up on their New Year's Resolutions.

This makes me sad.

You do not have to be perfect in your quest of your resolutions, you just have to stick with them.

For example, remember mine of getting cards out in a timely manner?

My Thank You cards for Christmas got mailed on January 25th.
My nephew's birthday card, however, got to him before his Birthday.

Progress, with some work to do.....
But I'm not giving up on my Resolution!

Another one...
Finish projects in a timely manner.

I have not finished the project that made me do this resolution.
oops.

And one more..
my yoga practice is coming together.  I've been doing the Sun Salutation every morning and will start classes at one the studios I talked about.

Resolutions are about the progress along the way and the things you learn.

STICK WITH THEM!!!
Melissa

Mind the Time...

It's that time of year, when I look back and see how I have done on my 2013 resolutions....

Here is the post that laid it out on the line...

#1.. Meditate every day.
        I did miss some days and ironically they were quiet lazy days, but I do have to say that I call this one good.  In fact, the title of the post, 'Mind the Time', is from the guided meditations that I did where Deepak Chopra led.  When it was time for meditation time on my own, he would say that he would mind the time and let me know when it was time to end the meditation.

       This is one of those resolutions that I chose to start a lifelong habit.  My mind this year has been the quietest and peaceful it has ever been and as I keep meditating I expect it to kept getting better.

#2..Swim a mile and then decrease the time.
      I was in the pool more this year than I have been in the past 3 years combined.  I got my mile time under 30 minutes, then my marathon training took over and I let my swimming become more of a quiet recovery workout.

      The balancing issue of my workouts sparked an idea for a 2014 resolution, so it's a learning curve.

#3..Communicate more.
      What I realized is that I am changing the way I communicate with family, friends and even myself.  The journaling technique that I used for many years no longer works for me, and once I accepted that and stopped beating myself up about missing days in my daily journal and wrote when I wanted and needed to---it became effortless and enjoyable again.

       I wrote more consistently here on my blog and have accepted that around the New Year, I want to write more, so December/January will generally always have more posts than any other time of the year.  What I have let go of is this---the idea that I have to have them done by a certain date.  Do you know when ideas are floating around in my head?  No, not until I hit the publish button to send the ideas into cyberspace.  Let it go, Melissa.  You are doing this blog for fun.

    There was one area that I need to improve on in communication...getting cards and notes out in a timely manner.  Once again, I will be building upon this year's resolution in 2014.  More details to come..

#4..Be Fearless!
     I actually think I did pretty good on this one.  My voice lessons, which I took from January until April, got rid of my fears of singing in a group, and I actually had fun!
    I took classes thru community education by myself in subjects I knew nothing about and met new people.
    I crossed items off my Bucket List and moved my life forward.
    Fear did crop in every once in a while, but I was more apt to plow thru it knowing this was a resolution for the year.  I may have to do this one more often in resolutions...

#5..Continue.
      Yes, I did.  In fitness, I completed 30 day challenges for planks, squats, wall sits, and push ups.  I ran a half marathon and will be running a full marathon on January 12, 2014.  Of course, there were ups and downs, little weight gains and then losses, but I kept going.
     In relationships both with myself and with others, they grew, got stronger, or if needed, moved on. It is always interesting to look back and see how things changes.  As you are living each day, most of the time, you do not notice all of the little changes, but when you look back you recognize the changes.
    I have also done quite a few items from my Bucket list.  I did my Bucket List to help me realize opportunities when they come into my life to do the items that matter to me, and that is another way of Continuing for me.

It has been interesting since I have been posting my Resolutions on my blog, my success rate has increased.  Is it the fact that I put them out there and therefore, I get more support?  Or is it, I feel more accountable?  Or is it I see them more often?

I have no idea...
I'm just going to accept it.

2014 resolutions are still getting firmed up and plans set, so just know they are coming.

Happy New Year....
Melissa

Grateful....

I needed to run one errand today, Black Friday, and it was fraught with peril......

I could not locate my wallet.

The last time I knew for sure that I had seen it was at a gas station in Brigham City, Utah on Thanksgiving night.

PANIC!!  FREAK OUT!!!  and CRY!!!

I went to the car and searched one more time, before I called the gas station, and happened to glance under the car on the passenger side near the wheel and there it sat.

Whew....

It had been outside and unprotected since Thanksgiving night at 11:30 til 4 pm on Friday.

As a result,

I am so very grateful that my neighborhood is a safe one.
I am grateful that my wallet was still there.
I am grateful that I did not have to worry about my identity being stolen.
I am grateful that I was able to go to PetSmart to buy cat food for Meeko and snacks for my dogs.

As this season of Gratitude draws to a near,
I just wanted to say Thank you for all the gifts, opportunities, travels, people in my life and even trials that come my way.

With a prayer of Gratitude in my heart,
Melissa

A Change in the Wind....

Even though life has been going pretty well for me lately, I have been wanting some changes.

Is that weird?  I'm not sure.....

The feeling has been getting more and more intense and pushing to the forefront of my mind.  I am questioning why I do what I do and if it still works for me.  Somethings just need a little tweaking, but I have a feeling others will have massive changes.

Traveling seems to bring this out in me the most, and I just got back from an epic 13 day road trip that I will be posting about later.  I think it is because when you travel, you are completely knocked out of your routine and comfort zone, and I love that, mainly because it is always your idea when you travel.  The universe, life, your job, your health, your family did not knock you out of your routine, you did and that is a wonderful thing.

I changed my hair color yesterday.  This is something I have not done in YEARS!!  It has worked for me, but it was time to change it up.  My hair is now a light brown with blondish highlights--no longer the dark chocolate brown with caramel highlights.  I lightened up....  :)  It took about 4 hours to accomplish and I love it.  Pictures will be coming soon, so keep an eye out on facebook.

I'm tweaking my exercise routine.  Running, of course, will be staying in.  It would be hard to train for a marathon in January if you are not running.  My yoga practice will be changing from antigravity to a more tradition vinyasa practice with some Bikram thrown in.  I stopped Bikram a while back because I was getting too competitive with myself in class--doing challenges (which was an amazing experience), but it made me think that if I was not going everyday, I was failing somehow.  Lame, I know, but I'm fairly competitive by nature and it just happened.  I am going back with the intention of being in the moment.  I'll see how it goes and let you know.

I am signing up for American Sign Language classes thru my local community education.  I feel like I have not been challenging myself mentally lately and learning a new language, that requires coordination, should amp up my mental skills.  As an added bonus, it is on my bucket list.  :)

It is also time to change up my inner conversations....  I was doing well for a while keeping the negative self talk out, but it is creeping back in and I want to nip it in the bud.

It is funny because I was just thinking about my New Year's Resolutions and the first one that popped into my mind was my 'Continue' resolution.  It is all about moving forward and not getting stuck in a rut or back sliding.  Maybe that is where these Winds of Change are coming from...

Melissa.

PS...
GRRRRRRR!!!  Just went to sign up for the American Sign Language class and it is postponed until the Winter semester.  So I signed up for a Photoshop class instead.  Just working my brain in another way.

The Build-up

I have been training since the end of March for my first Half Marathon.  That statement alone should give you a clue to my sanity and reasoning as of late and give you an inkling of what I am about to describe.

It started off great.  I had a training plan, with 4 extra weeks, to get ready.  I ran; I swam; I did yoga; and I rested.  It was not easy, but it was doable.

About 3 weeks ago, I hit a groove.  I had finally conquered the mental block for 10 miles and I was cruising.  I began setting goals for myself beyond just finishing, which when I started this adventure was my only goal.  I began worrying about pacing at certain speeds and about my finish time.  I began comparing myself to a weird ultimate runner who only existed in my head.

My dreams starting to have a running bent to them.  The Half Marathon was taking not only time and thought during my waking hours, but in the nighttime too.

I was stressing out.

Then on Saturday, I got sick.
A bug that has left me exhausted, tired, and drained.  My appetite has been off.  I have missed my last 2 training runs.

On Monday, I considered canceling my hotel room and missing the race.

Today is Thursday and I will be running on Saturday.
Without a watch....... I will run at what my body tells me is ok, not what I think I should do.
Without a goal.......except to cross the finish line.

With joy......I love to run.
With gratitude.....A year ago, I barely ran a 5k.  On Saturday, I will run 13.1 miles.

Why do I do this to myself?  And it is all on me.  Everyone in my life has been so supportive and encouraging about just attempting a Half Marathon.  I was the one who started putting time limits on it.

A thought keeps popping in my head that sums it all up.....

Let it go
and it will be what it is meant to be......

Melissa

Reunited, and it feels soooo good....

                                                     glub...glub, glub........glub....  :)

My inner fish, alright technically a dolphin, is a happy camper!  I got back in the pool this past week!!!  I did laps.  I circle swam to share a lane with 3 other people.  I swam a mile, granted not a fast mile, but I swam a mile.

The moment my flip flops hit the pool deck, I realized how much I missed swimming.  How did I let almost a year go by without it?  Life got in a the way and other dreams and goals took precedent, that's how....

I started running last year and it took the majority of my focus and let's face it, exercise time.  As an adult, there is not an unlimited amount of time you have to workout.  There are other responsibilities and things that just need to get done that take the majority of your day.  Finding time to workout is a priority for me, but sometimes I have to choose one activity over another.  This year, my goal is to find a balance in between running and swimming for my cardio activities.  I actually have a plan, which I did not last year.

Now, let's get back to the pool, shall we?

I had no goal, no plans or times for my laps when I did my first introductory dip back in the pool.  I swam without pressure on myself,  only for the joy.  I think that's why I was able to do the mile.  I alternated between freestyle and breaststroke, with the majority in free, and just let myself swim.  I did a mantra from my meditation challenge to keep my mind quiet and to stay in the moment, not in how far I had swam or how far I needed to go.   I'm trying to keep this attitude in mind for all of my swims.

The past few years, both in and out of the pool, I have become interested in a swimming technique  called, 'Total Immersion'.  It teaches you to move in the most efficient way in the water, i.e., reduce drag, no wasted energy.  It reminds me of a moving meditation, everything has a reason and is, in my opinion, beautiful to watch.   Natural swimmers use a lot of the techniques Total Immersion teaches--they are long in the water and generally use less strokes to cover the same distance when compared to others.  If you are interested, you might want to check out their website.

One other thing, if your inner fish is screaming for you to get in the pool and you are worried about the damage that chlorine can do to your hair....
try this tip from another swimmer that I use, apply a little olive oil to your wet hair before you get in the pool.  While you are swimming your swim cap will keep it on your hair, and if any water gets on your hair from the pool, the olive oil acts as a barrier to the chlorine.  When you are done, just shampoo the olive oil out.  Hair protected and deep conditioned.  :)

Well, I've gotta run....
I've got a date with a lap lane at the pool.

Melissa