I have been training since the end of March for my first Half Marathon. That statement alone should give you a clue to my sanity and reasoning as of late and give you an inkling of what I am about to describe.
It started off great. I had a training plan, with 4 extra weeks, to get ready. I ran; I swam; I did yoga; and I rested. It was not easy, but it was doable.
About 3 weeks ago, I hit a groove. I had finally conquered the mental block for 10 miles and I was cruising. I began setting goals for myself beyond just finishing, which when I started this adventure was my only goal. I began worrying about pacing at certain speeds and about my finish time. I began comparing myself to a weird ultimate runner who only existed in my head.
My dreams starting to have a running bent to them. The Half Marathon was taking not only time and thought during my waking hours, but in the nighttime too.
I was stressing out.
Then on Saturday, I got sick.
A bug that has left me exhausted, tired, and drained. My appetite has been off. I have missed my last 2 training runs.
On Monday, I considered canceling my hotel room and missing the race.
Today is Thursday and I will be running on Saturday.
Without a watch....... I will run at what my body tells me is ok, not what I think I should do.
Without a goal.......except to cross the finish line.
With joy......I love to run.
With gratitude.....A year ago, I barely ran a 5k. On Saturday, I will run 13.1 miles.
Why do I do this to myself? And it is all on me. Everyone in my life has been so supportive and encouraging about just attempting a Half Marathon. I was the one who started putting time limits on it.
A thought keeps popping in my head that sums it all up.....
Let it go
and it will be what it is meant to be......