A Package Deal.....

So I forgot to write in November and just barely realized it, so to finish the year of monthly blogs, you're getting a double dose....

I got kinda of quiet to close this year out.  It wasn't a depression, it was more of a massive inward reflection time and I do not regret it at all.  I cut back on things, but did not completely disappear.  I hung out with AMAZING people and had fun, but I said no to the chaos.  It was WONDERFUL!

I'm going to confess something, I am so over the commercialism of the Holliday season.  The ads that start WAY too early, the store displays in OCTOBER, the BUY, BUY, BUY for one day.  I struggled with finding my Christmas spirit when I was so annoyed with that aspect of the holiday season.  It's something I need to work on...

I did my Christmas agreements again this year and that was nice and kept some traditions that I love and enjoy doing.  I spent a lovely Thanksgiving with extended family and yes, stayed out of stores all weekend long.  I connected, not shopped.....

I think that is what this past year has been about for me, connections....  How to maintain, how to re-establish, how to just connect in a world that seems to be about the go, go, go..  Letting go of what people think and just doing what feels right.  I know that for the most part I don't go with the flow much anymore, I'm finding my own current and my wish for you is that you find your own.......

Feeling reflective,
Melissa

What's your Goal?

We are over half way thru 2018?  How did that happen??????????

I thought since I sorta abandoned the New Year's Resolution updates in my monthly (well, sometimes monthly other times quarterly) blogs, I would do it here.....and this is one of those blogs that is really for me to maintain accountability in goals I set.  I hope it's not to boring for the rest of you...

Resolution #1
At least 26 'Something to Think About' Journal entries.

my journal and a page prompt.

I have done 10 and I am completely ok with that number.  I'm not as consistent with them as I thought I would be, but I've noticed a trend in my journaling-from April to August, I don't typically write as often, but from September to February, I'm a writing machine, March can go either way..  I may not get to 26 by the end of the year, but I've definitely done more that any other year.

Resolution #2
Bucket List items

Here's why I think Resolutions are such a good thing to tie with Bucket List items, 3 of my resolutions are actually on my Bucket List.  

Resolution #3
Get outdoors more!  Hiking, snowshoeing, x-country skiing, rowing, camping, etc

It's funny on this one, because sometimes I think nature is against me.  The winds have been blowing this summer and it has kept me off the lake and rowing less than I would prefer, but they are not keeping me off completely.  The other thing I've realize about this goal, you have to plan and make it a priority if you want to get out there, otherwise life will get in the way.  I made a goal for the summer to go out once a week for a small mountain adventure.  I'm now aware of it and look for days to go and make the actual plans...

Resolution #4
See if the idea in my head really is a novel

This is a slower process than I believed it was going to be....  The characters may of been in my head, but the plot had massive holes in it.  I saw a quote in January from a writer that basically said always have an outline of where you want your novel to go otherwise you can write yourself into a dead end faster than you will ever believe.  I have the opening and closing chapters written, but have spent the majority of my time planning in a small notebook plot lines, characteristics of the main and secondary characters.  This matters to me more than I thought and I want to do it right...I don't know what I'll do with the end product, but I will finish this.

Resolution #5
More water

Every month I have set a goal which has increased until June when it hit 80 ounces of water a day.  Somedays I go way over 80, but 80 is a reasonable and healthy number for me.  I have for some crazy reason missed 1 day every month, not by a lot, but every dang month...

Resolution #6
 Work on my lettering/calligraphy

I bought a kit from Crayola and started from there.  I thought I couldn't ruin Crayola markers while I self taught myself pressure and shapes and I think it turned out somewhat ok.  I did a 30 day challenge starting in February where I practiced everyday and made HUGE strides.  I'm still working on creative placements and finding my own style and still learning...  On July 19th, I took a workshop from Melissa Esplin whose work I really admire and is a distant relative. Utah has a ton of well known letterers (who knew), so I got some in person help there.  Being a leftie in this has had its challenges and the hardest is that my natural slant is slightly different from all of the others that I see, but the workshop helped me to embrace my natural style, now I just need to get consistent with it.....

some of my practicing.....

Resolution #7
Try something new every month....a restaurant, activity, etc

This is the list of restaurants I am working from.  All that I have been to have been AMAZING!

I keep a list of what I do in my written journal every month.  It just makes me happy to see my world expanding from new restaurants, classes, museums, etc...

Resolution #8
Find and maintain my Meditation Practice

This is still a work in progress.  I'm finding that once a week I do a formal meditation of 20 minutes or longer and it's not the same day of the week, I just do it when it feels right.  The thing I am noticing the most, is that I am doing mini meditations almost daily, I am taking time to do 5-10 deep breaths and just stop and focus.  This has been a very happy and welcome addition in my day to day life.

Resolution #9
Travel Solo

My plan is still in motion.  I'm not going to say more than that for now, but this is going to happen.

Resolution #10
Penny savings challenge

I have a plan, but I switch up weeks according to whim and knowing how my money is in certain months.  I am on schedule and very happy about this.  Here's to almost $700 by the end of the year for fun stuff during 2019!

my money jar...

Letting it Sink in...

On January 12th, I completed a goal.

A big goal....a goal that was fairly high on my Bucket List.

One that I had been actively working on for over nine months.

One that I had first made when I was a Senior in High School, but had to let go of for a while.  I got the idea when about a month before graduation, a teacher was asking us what we wanted to accomplish in our lives that was not related to work or family.  He listed a bunch of things, but only one item stood out.  Run a Marathon.  This quickly went out the window as a not going to happen item, when five days after Graduation, I had the first of three knee surgeries.  After the third one, I was told due to tight hamstrings, weak quadriceps, and bad form, I needed to stop running.

Grrr....

Twenty years later, things had changed.  My hamstrings while still a battle to stay loose are better; my quadriceps are stronger; and most importantly, a trainer helped me to change my running strike.  I was a toe runner, basically, never having a heel strike.  Not good, as it added strain to my knees.

As documented here, I started with a 5k and permission from my knee surgeon.  I progressed slowly and with no pain.  The twenty year gap was needed, but not for the reasons I thought.

I had a training plan that physically seemed possible and gave me some extra time.  The part I did not expect was the psychological aspect.  It was tougher and harder than the physical part.

This is where that 20 year gap came in handy.  I had toughened up, gotten more dedicated when things went wrong, and been introduced to meditation.  In fact, if you recall, in 2013 I had set a resolution to meditate every day.  There are decisions that when you look back on them seem really really smart, and this was one of them.  I wish I could say that I knew the effects meditation would have on my running, but I had no clue.

I picked the Walt Disney World Marathon in Orlando, Florida on January 12, 2014.  I picked it for a couple of reasons--#1.  It is recommended for runners as a good beginner marathon.  #2.  I love Disney and the course went thru the four parks.  #3.  It was a fairly flat course.  I found out that running downhill for an extended period of time bugs my knees.

Training was at times frustrating, exhilarating, tiring, and energizing.  It ran the spectrum of emotions.  I started to struggle once my training runs were past 18 miles.  I had to slow WAY WAY down in order to survive.  That was not easy for me to accept.  Although, my only goal was to finish the marathon, when I first started increasing my miles, I had a plan.  I was aiming for about a 4:30 to 5 hour marathon.  Reality and acceptance told me it was going to take a bit longer.

If you are wondering when I am going to talk about the actual race, I will...
but I have realized something in the time since the race, the time on course, while a big deal is not what a marathon is all about.  It's the training......because the training makes race day possible.  The race day gets the attention because you are there with a bib with a number on it; thousands of others attempting the achieve the same goal; that lovely medal you get at the end; and the amazing people who cheer you on on course, but you do not cross the finish line without the time and energy put forth in the training.

I have a obnoxious trait that shows up about a couple of days before a race that has a new distance, I start questioning my ability to do it.  I stress and drive people around me CRAZY!!!  This should never happen again, as I have now run races at every distance.  I should of meditated more and just believed more, but the focus I had put on this event started to weigh on me.  I just wanted it over, good or bad, finish or not........the pressure, that was only in my head, had gotten to me.

Now for some race details...
There were 20,000 plus marathon runners at the Walt Disney World Marathon.

In addition to the marathoners, there were 2 crazy groups of people... Group #1 were called Goofy's.  They ran the Half Marathon on Saturday and then the Full Marathon on Sunday.  They totaled around 9,000.  Group #2 were called Dopey's.  They were insane...on Thursday, they ran a 5 K, on Friday, a 10 K, on Saturday, the Half, and on Sunday, the Full..  All totaled they would run/walk 49 plus miles in 4 days.  There were 7,000 of them.

As you can tell, there were a lot of people on course.  All 50 states were represented and all continents, except Antarctica.  We started in waves, but had to be at the start line at 5:30 no matter what wave you were in.

With a 5:30 start time, I was up at 3:20!!!  Me up at 3:20.  It was not pleasant.  I caught a shuttle to take me to the start line at 4 am.  There was security to get thru, stretching to do, bathroom breaks, and calming by family!  I ,then, went to the start line, which ended up being almost 2 miles away.

5:30 am the elite wave left.....

About an hour later, the starting gun for my wave finally went off and I started my marathon.
(FYI, the elite runners were at mile 13 when I started)

To prevent me from starting to fast due to adrenaline and the surge of runners, I planned on a run/walk strategy for the first 3 miles.  It went well.  Then, I went to a slow run phase....

I alternated between the two phases until mile 21...

and my left foot fell asleep.  Not good.  When we were not in the Parks, we were on the roads that connected them, which were angled.  Great for draining water, but after a while not good for runners.

I had officially started my marathon.

Why do I say that?  Marathons are exercises in discipline, dedication, in learning about yourself, and the knowledge of what is temporarily uncomfortable or actually dangerous.

My asleep foot fell into that temporary category.  At a water/aid station, I leaned against a table and lifted my foot and shifted in my shoe and the tingling immediately went away.  No damage, just a fun little quirk I had to work thru.

I slowed WAY WAY WAY down, barely running until mile 25, but I KEPT GOING!

And this is the lesson I learned....
The voice in your head that says you can not do it.
IS A LIAR.

I felt better by the time I got to mile 25 and started slowly running again and ended up running across the finish line with tears streaming down my face as I high fived Minnie Mouse and looked for my mom.

I saw her, threw my hands above my head, and yelled, "I DID IT and NEVER AGAIN!"

Happy Crying at the FINISH Line!!

The next step was to get the finisher medal around my neck.  More tears....

I love that medal...

I was exhausted, but not in pain, which was my goal all along in training.  To finish without pain.  We made our way back to the hotel where I took a much needed shower, changed, and made some phone calls.  I rested but never for too long.  We then went over to Downtown Disney for dinner and to celebrate.

It seemed surreal for about a week, what I accomplished...
like it was someone else who did it or that it was just a dream.

Now, I can say I am a Marathon Finisher!

and no, I will not do it again.

One last thing, even though this post is running long, while many aspects of training and running a Marathon are solitary endeavors, the support and love you get from the people around you are invaluable, so THANK YOU!!  A million times THANK YOU!

Melissa

Mind the Time...

It's that time of year, when I look back and see how I have done on my 2013 resolutions....

Here is the post that laid it out on the line...

#1.. Meditate every day.
        I did miss some days and ironically they were quiet lazy days, but I do have to say that I call this one good.  In fact, the title of the post, 'Mind the Time', is from the guided meditations that I did where Deepak Chopra led.  When it was time for meditation time on my own, he would say that he would mind the time and let me know when it was time to end the meditation.

       This is one of those resolutions that I chose to start a lifelong habit.  My mind this year has been the quietest and peaceful it has ever been and as I keep meditating I expect it to kept getting better.

#2..Swim a mile and then decrease the time.
      I was in the pool more this year than I have been in the past 3 years combined.  I got my mile time under 30 minutes, then my marathon training took over and I let my swimming become more of a quiet recovery workout.

      The balancing issue of my workouts sparked an idea for a 2014 resolution, so it's a learning curve.

#3..Communicate more.
      What I realized is that I am changing the way I communicate with family, friends and even myself.  The journaling technique that I used for many years no longer works for me, and once I accepted that and stopped beating myself up about missing days in my daily journal and wrote when I wanted and needed to---it became effortless and enjoyable again.

       I wrote more consistently here on my blog and have accepted that around the New Year, I want to write more, so December/January will generally always have more posts than any other time of the year.  What I have let go of is this---the idea that I have to have them done by a certain date.  Do you know when ideas are floating around in my head?  No, not until I hit the publish button to send the ideas into cyberspace.  Let it go, Melissa.  You are doing this blog for fun.

    There was one area that I need to improve on in communication...getting cards and notes out in a timely manner.  Once again, I will be building upon this year's resolution in 2014.  More details to come..

#4..Be Fearless!
     I actually think I did pretty good on this one.  My voice lessons, which I took from January until April, got rid of my fears of singing in a group, and I actually had fun!
    I took classes thru community education by myself in subjects I knew nothing about and met new people.
    I crossed items off my Bucket List and moved my life forward.
    Fear did crop in every once in a while, but I was more apt to plow thru it knowing this was a resolution for the year.  I may have to do this one more often in resolutions...

#5..Continue.
      Yes, I did.  In fitness, I completed 30 day challenges for planks, squats, wall sits, and push ups.  I ran a half marathon and will be running a full marathon on January 12, 2014.  Of course, there were ups and downs, little weight gains and then losses, but I kept going.
     In relationships both with myself and with others, they grew, got stronger, or if needed, moved on. It is always interesting to look back and see how things changes.  As you are living each day, most of the time, you do not notice all of the little changes, but when you look back you recognize the changes.
    I have also done quite a few items from my Bucket list.  I did my Bucket List to help me realize opportunities when they come into my life to do the items that matter to me, and that is another way of Continuing for me.

It has been interesting since I have been posting my Resolutions on my blog, my success rate has increased.  Is it the fact that I put them out there and therefore, I get more support?  Or is it, I feel more accountable?  Or is it I see them more often?

I have no idea...
I'm just going to accept it.

2014 resolutions are still getting firmed up and plans set, so just know they are coming.

Happy New Year....
Melissa

Silence, Bliss, and then every thought in the Universe

Meditative Frogs

A meditation student went to his guru and said, 'Every time I sit down to meditate, my mind goes crazy and I can't calm down.  My mind wanders and it does not seem to be doing any good.'

The guru responds, 'Don't worry, just wait two weeks.'

Two weeks later, the student comes back in and is soooooo excited and exclaims, 'My mind is calm.  I'm finding bliss and peace every time I meditate.  This is the greatest thing ever.'

The guru calmly replies, 'Don't worry, just wait two weeks.'

My meditation challenge has been exactly like this.  It goes in ebbs and flows and brick walls and stops.

I've practiced many different forms of meditation since January 1st.  Guided meditation, Zazen meditation, moving meditation, sleep inducing meditation, and holy crap has it only been 5 minutes mediation.

I've learned to let my mood and day choose my meditation style for the day.  If I have an idea of what I want to do and force it on my practice that day, I WILL STRUGGLE.  As I prep for my meditation, turning off my phone, etc.,  I ask myself, 'What is going to work today?'

So, Lesson #1 of meditation,
Let it flow.  Do not force it.

People have been asking me how long I meditate....  The answer is a bit complicated.  It varies.  Some days I'll meditate for almost an hour, the next 10 minutes.  The goal is to meditate with full intention, not time.  The Zen meditation practice of Zazen is very structured and regimented.  You sit for a specific time in a specific posture.  I have done this style, but I started rebelling against the time restrictions.  For 25 minutes, I would be in bliss and peace and then I would feel like my meditation was complete, but I would still have 25 minutes left in the time.  I would then sit in frustration and lose what I had gained.

Lesson #2 of meditation.
Be flexible on time.  Listen to your body and mind.  However, challenge yourself every once in a while and do a longer timed meditation.

My New Year's Resolution was to meditate every day.  By a bit of luck, I put no other conditions on it, like time or style, which is not normally my style.  I have missed a few days, but not a lot.  Ironically, it's on the quiet days, that I have a tendency to miss.  On crazy, busy, hectic, stressful days, I crave my meditation.

Lesson #3 of meditation.
Make a habit of it.  Consistency is the key to this....  You'll survive the brick walls and stops, if you just keep meditating.

The best part of my meditation  has not occurred during my practice.  It has occured in the rest of my life.  My critical inner voice is calming down--you know the one that says you can't do this.....  During exercise, I am able to find that quiet space in my mind and just let my body do what I set out to do.  I am also sleeping better.  And on those nights that I'm not sleeping well, I do a guided meditation that sends me right to sleep.

So, the final Lesson of meditation.  #4

Enjoy the results.  Enjoy the silence and bliss.....
just Enjoy.

Since I've started this, friends and family have been sending me quotes and cartoons about meditation, so I will leave you will this final thought.

If you do not have time to sit in silence for 30 minutes,
you need an hour.

Namaste,
Melissa

Reunited, and it feels soooo good....

                                                     glub...glub, glub........glub....  :)

My inner fish, alright technically a dolphin, is a happy camper!  I got back in the pool this past week!!!  I did laps.  I circle swam to share a lane with 3 other people.  I swam a mile, granted not a fast mile, but I swam a mile.

The moment my flip flops hit the pool deck, I realized how much I missed swimming.  How did I let almost a year go by without it?  Life got in a the way and other dreams and goals took precedent, that's how....

I started running last year and it took the majority of my focus and let's face it, exercise time.  As an adult, there is not an unlimited amount of time you have to workout.  There are other responsibilities and things that just need to get done that take the majority of your day.  Finding time to workout is a priority for me, but sometimes I have to choose one activity over another.  This year, my goal is to find a balance in between running and swimming for my cardio activities.  I actually have a plan, which I did not last year.

Now, let's get back to the pool, shall we?

I had no goal, no plans or times for my laps when I did my first introductory dip back in the pool.  I swam without pressure on myself,  only for the joy.  I think that's why I was able to do the mile.  I alternated between freestyle and breaststroke, with the majority in free, and just let myself swim.  I did a mantra from my meditation challenge to keep my mind quiet and to stay in the moment, not in how far I had swam or how far I needed to go.   I'm trying to keep this attitude in mind for all of my swims.

The past few years, both in and out of the pool, I have become interested in a swimming technique  called, 'Total Immersion'.  It teaches you to move in the most efficient way in the water, i.e., reduce drag, no wasted energy.  It reminds me of a moving meditation, everything has a reason and is, in my opinion, beautiful to watch.   Natural swimmers use a lot of the techniques Total Immersion teaches--they are long in the water and generally use less strokes to cover the same distance when compared to others.  If you are interested, you might want to check out their website.

One other thing, if your inner fish is screaming for you to get in the pool and you are worried about the damage that chlorine can do to your hair....
try this tip from another swimmer that I use, apply a little olive oil to your wet hair before you get in the pool.  While you are swimming your swim cap will keep it on your hair, and if any water gets on your hair from the pool, the olive oil acts as a barrier to the chlorine.  When you are done, just shampoo the olive oil out.  Hair protected and deep conditioned.  :)

Well, I've gotta run....
I've got a date with a lap lane at the pool.

Melissa