Double Take...

I'll admit it...
I forgot.

Truth be told, I wrote it in another location, my personal journal.

You have been with this for a year and so I thought you were due some closure.

About my 2014 New Year's Resolutions.....
let go of that breath I know you were holding. (snark intended)

First, let's review the list and why I chose them here....

And now for closure,

#1.  Get cards to people on time.
      My best year ever.... my niece, who's Birthday was December 26th, may not agree with me as I sent her card not only late but to her dorm address and not her home address where she was at the time of her Birthday.  A pleasant surprise will greet her when she gets back to school.  Surprise!!!  That was my only big goof on this one.  My entire family was pretty much in shock this year.

#2.  Finish Projects in a timely and sane manner.
    I Let it Go!!!  Let it Go!!  Sorry, couldn't help but breaking into song.  I released this notion that it HAD TO BE DONE NOW!!!!!!  and had more fun with my crafty and other projects this year.  The ultimate irony of this, by relaxing I generally got things done faster.

#3.  Work on my personal style.
    I did ok with this one.  I struggled with a little weight that I put on throughout the year and it definitely put me in a not buying clothes mood.  I did, however, clean out my closets and drawers and donated clothing I either did not like, did not fit, or was so totally out of style no one would want to be near me when I wore it.  I actually bought 2 items that are in my Pinterest 'My Style' board and love them.  I also realized I am completely ok with going to the grocery store in sweats and no makeup and I stopped feeling like I had to dress up for things that did not matter to me.  On the flip side, I love to dress up for events.  Glam me up on those occasions.  The last thing I did for my personal style was to CHOP my hair!!  It went from reaching the bottom of my shoulder blades to right below my ears.  It was liberating and apparently flattering because people have been telling me to keep this hair cut.

#4.  Figure out my Yoga practice
  I found a studio, 2 streets away from my house that I can walk to, and LOVE LOVE LOVE it.  It is not a trendy place.  It focuses on the basics and it makes be calm.  I was very inconsistent, however, about going when life got funky, which is the absolute worst time to stop and that is something I am still working on, consistency.

#5.  Find balance in my workout schedule.
   Remember how I almost did not put this on my list?  I wrote a whole post about it in February, called A bit of the Blahs....  This resolution gave me grief.  I struggled the ENTIRE YEAR and it was not until mid December during an Abdominal Massage in Mexico that I realized why.  It was an emotional moment I tell you.... I honestly could not breathe....  I was working out due to fear.  I was never going to find balance in fear.  It is just not possible.  I had to and have to continue to workout from a place of love.  For example, I love what my body is able to do today or I love how I feel when I am in class or I love what I am doing.  This is going to be a lifelong process, but at least I know now what balance in my workout schedule should look like.
   Since December, I have taken days off when I have not felt well, instead of pushing myself too hard.  I have let go the expectation of what my poses should look like in yoga and have made progress like you can not believe.  I have made plans not to do it alone.
 
#6.  Cross items off my Bucket List.
  I love this one....more National Parks were visited, I completed a MARATHON, I had a tarot card reading, I'm almost done with the 100 best movies ever made list, and there were a few more.  This will make another appearance in 2015.

#7.  Do a monthly savings challenge.
  Absolute failure on this one.  I did not have a plan.  I did not make a plan.  I should of had the plan before I made the resolution.  Financially, I did ok in 2014, but I could of done better with a plan.  I am redoing this in 2015 and I already have my plan in place.

#8.  Be more creative.
  I put a lot of thought, effort and time into this one and eventually it paid off.  It was not without its pitfalls, however, I took classes that I just didn't click with, struggled with finding the right medium, and had some doubts.  In September, I found my unexpected gift.  I fell in love with Watercolors and for a person who is unable to draw a straight line with a ruler (I get that weird ruler bump), it loved me back.  I am enjoying painting immensely and am continuing my classes in 2015.

#9.  Maintain my progress and Move Forward.
   This year was interesting.  It had some High Highs and very Low Lows.  I got completely flipped by the end of the year and had lost my balance.  The benefit, however, of some life experience is that I flipped back right side up faster and with more ease than I had in the past.  I realized there are some very simple things that help keep me in balance and will use them not only when things are going well, but when they are not.  I also will ask for help before it gets too bad.  I am very lucky and grateful for the people in my life who have offered and given help to me.

Was that a year or what?
Some successes and some not.
But I will never regret making the Resolutions....

Melissa

An Argument For...

As the New Year approached, I noticed a a troubling trend....

picking on New Year's Resolutions.

It's easy to pick on them, I admit...
the low success rate...
the repeats...
etc....

I am here, however, to defend the beleaguered tradition.

I do resolutions every year and for the most part have been fairly successful at them and I think I may have a few tips to help out.

#1.  Keep your list visible.
        I have my list on my phone in my reminder list.  I have it written in my journal I write in throughout the year.  I have yet another copy written on a piece of a paper that moves about my room.  I even put it here on my blog.

Keep it where you will see it.  It reminds you.  It will encourage you.

#2.  Have a plan for each and every item on your list.
       It does not have set in concrete, but at least have an idea of how you are going to accomplish them.  The one item I completely missed on in 2014 was the one item I did not have a plan for when I made my list.....  Have a plan, people!!!

#3.  It does not have to be, nor will it be perfect....
       Life is a two steps forward, one step back proposition periodically.  You will have success, but you will also have some failures.  DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!  For 2014, I had a resolution to explore my creativity.  My first 2 attempts at classes were dismal failures, but the third one was where I found success.  Sometimes you have to find a different teacher, a different class, or sometimes it just needs to be at a different time in your life.  The missed attempts lead you where you want to go by showing you what does not work.  Thomas Edison said it best....'If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is often a step forward'....

#4.  Do not try and change too much too fast...
      Life is not a sprint.  It is a marathon.  You will not lose 30 pounds in a week.  You will not read all of the classics in a week.  Somethings take time and I, personally, believe this is a very good thing.  Case in point, my resolution in 2014 about finding balance in my workouts.  I struggled with this the ENTIRE year, until I realized something in December that brought it all into focus.  I needed the marathon of 2014 to learn what  I needed to know to finally get it.  It will come, and like my advice in #3,  don't give up.

#5.  Your list is personal.
       It's yours and no one else's.  Yes, there will be some common resolutions, but you are unique.  Embrace that!  You may have 1 items or you may have 10, it is up to YOU!  And remember, this very important fact,  no one has to see your entire list.  If there is something you want support or maybe a buddy for, by all means, share it, but there is no requirement that your list needs to be public.
       So Melissa, you are now wanting to know, why in your tip #1 did you say that you put your list on the blog for all to see?  For me, the accountability and adventures of resolution make for easy blog posts.  However, in some years, there are some items that do not make it onto the blog.  They were too personal and did not need to be in the public eye.
      My list of resolutions always seems to be a representative of my hopes, dreams, and yes, frustrations in my life.

#6.  Who says you have to start January 1st?
      If the cliche of a New Year's Resolution drives you bonkers, start in February, or June.  It's your list and your life, start when you want, just start!

#7.   Finally, have some fun with it!!
      Not all of your resolutions have to serious.  Make a resolutions to celebrate weird holidays.   Watch all of the Monty Python movies.   Go sledding as much as possible.    Remember to have some fun.

I hope this has persuaded you to at least think about making some New Year's Resolutions...
and not to give up in March.

Resolute.
Melissa

In or Out of Motivation...

Have you ever had a thought or idea that keeps getting presented to you?

It has been happening to me a lot lately, in terms of a deceptively simple question.

Are you doing something in fear?
Or out of Love?

Over and over again, I was asked that question..
and I realized something.

I had been doing something right for the wrong reason.

It was not something that was easy to admit or sit with, but it explained quite a bit.  It explained why I had never been consistent for the long term and why I was having to start over once again.

I asked myself if I was doing it out of Fear?  Or in Love?

Sounds simple enough right?  The kicker, once you ask the question,  it really is.

I was exercising out of fear.

It dominated every moment of my workouts.  If I missed a workout, it meant I was wrong and made me feel guilty.  It made me a neurotic mess on race day mornings, because if I did not make a certain time, I was not good enough...

For fear, it is never enough....

Love, on the other hand, accepts....

Love accepts that today you felt like going for a long walk around your neighborhood, instead of a run that you were dreading doing because you were worn out and tired.  It is just happy you did something active and healthy for yourself.

Love accepts you are today.  It does not require you to be 20 pounds lighter.  Love does not require tight abs.  Love wants you to accept yourself as you are today.

Love wants you to find a passion that goes beyond race day or whatever goal you have set.  It wants you happy on race day and beyond.

Since I have been home, I have been planning my workouts out of a place of acceptance and love.  I have moved a workout by a day and felt so much better for it.  I went to a restorative yoga class instead of a more vigorous one and felt better for it.

The most important part of it all,
I have not felt guilt once.
I have felt love.....

Melissa

Yum!

Fish and Veggies wrapped in a Banana leaf

For a week, I did not have to think about the food I was going to eat.  I did not have to think about what to cook, its preparation, and the timing of it all.  All I had to do was to sit down and be grateful for what had been prepared for me.

It was glorious....
Food, Glorious Food!!!  (Sing along.....)

Haramara Retreat knows good food.
It is just that simple.

It is healthy and 99% Organic.
They will cater to your dietary needs, including my nut issues.  There were over 20 people in the group and a lot of us had specific needs (vegetarian, no dairy, no nuts, etc.)  The staff handled it with great care and attention.

Have I mention how good it all was?
AMAZING!  DROOL WORTHY!!  SPOON LICKING!!!  YUMMMINESS!

Breakfast was buffet style with eggs made to order.
Lunch and Dinner were sit down 3 course adventures in yum.

Grapefruit Ice with Honey

Lentil Ceveche...  I could have eaten a Gallon of it!

Another Yummy Lunch....

Forgot to take the picture, so it is a half eaten Coconut bar covered in Dark Chocolate

They know their Salad Dressings!  All prepared on site.

Twice Baked Potatoes and Mushrooms with Pesto Sauce

Gluten Free Cake (which was light and fluffy) with a fig/rasberry topping

The variety of food served was amazing and inspiring....

Inspired to learn new recipes.
Melissa

Guides and Doubt

A sign along the way

Two days before I left for the Yoga retreat I was going to, I began to doubt whether I should attend.  I was not at 'the right weight' to practice yoga; my muscles were tight and not at my most flexible; and my energy levels were at the bottom of the meter.  I doubted my ability and even my right to go...the only reason I was even considering going was the amount of money I had spent for airfare and the week of accommodations.

Then a guide, in the form of my Mom, told me to go and I would be ok.......

I went with a fair amount of trepidation, but I went.

The first night, at our introductory Satsang, Swami Omkarananda, who was going to be one of our teachers for the week, told us about his doubts as he was at the gate at the airport as he was starting his journey from India to Mexico.  He called his Guru and said he did not think he was going to get on the plane.  His Guru told him he needed to go and that it would be ok......

I was shocked.  

Why would he have doubts?  He looks like he has it all together........

But I had forgotten something important,

We all have doubts......

But more importantly, we all have guides to help us along the way if we are willing to listen to them.

So listen,

and be a guide if you are needed

and listen to one if they are placed in your life.

Thank you to all of my Guides,

whether you have said "Welcome" when I arrived at an event to calm a fear, 

or to the ones who have said "Go" when I needed to leave,

or to the ones who have said that exact word or phrase or sentence that have brought me Peace.

I Thank You All!!!!!!

Melissa

The Return.....

Two years ago, I went to a yoga retreat in Sayulita, Mexico, and it put me on a very good path.....

When the opportunity opened to attend again, I immediately said, "YES!"  It was going to be wonderful to attend with out any injury and my life in a good place.  You can read about my experiences from two years ago, here and here.

In January of this year, life was going well in all aspects, physically, emotionally, and financially.  If you have been reading the blog this year, you know that there have been some big events that have knocked me off of that stable ground.  I had no clue how much I needed to attend until I got there....

So my Return was not only to Haramara Resort but to myself......

The Hammock where I found myself again....

My yoga practice was once again, not in the best place, thanks to tight muscles and emotions held in me, but I learned a very important lesson this time.  Yoga is not all about the asanas, or physical practice, it is so much more.

It is also about being kind to yourself....forgiving yourself, speaking kindly to yourself, and living in the present.  It is also about doing those things to others in your life.  If you are not doing those things, your physical practice will not go well.  It may be a great physical exercise, but it will not be yoga.

As a result, I spent a lot of my time at a yoga retreat not doing the physical practice.  I attended the Asana class almost every day, but spent quite a bit of my time in Child's Pose or another restorative pose.  I had to take my ego out of it and do what was right for my mind and body.  It was no easy task for the first couple of days, but as the week progressed I did yoga by doing a very simple pose due to the fact that I did it with intention and acceptance.  I am so very grateful for the instructors who allowed that freedom in the classes.

I pushed through unsettled emotions and old habits with specific activities and in journaling to the point of my new pen running out of ink...  I asked questions when I was blocked....  I listened and processed a lot of information...  I realized that every person that was there with me was a teacher....

In other words, I returned....
and learned tricks and tips and accepted offers of help to not let it get so bad if circumstances happen in the future, so it does not require a week long intensive to get me back.

I signed up when life was wonderful and had expectations I would arrive at my best....
However, life had another plan to make sure I had learned previous lessons, and to be quite honest, I had learned some, but not the heart of them.  (I'll do another blog about this later to explain.)  I had at least learned enough to go.....

Returned to myself...
Melissa

Finding my Balance...

I've been a little quiet lately...
in real life and here on my blog.

I needed time to find my balance again after this crazy period.

First of all,
my Dad is on the road to recovery.  It was crazy how fast it all turned around.  I spent a little over a week in Georgia visiting and helping them out.  Plus, I got the added bonus of spending some time with my brother, his wife, and daughter.  :)

I feel like I am getting back to me again....
and that I handled and survived all that was thrown at me pretty well.

I now have a plan for something that I had no clue that I needed to have a plan for....
I now know how I respond in extreme stress situations, and quite honestly, it surprised me.
I now know that I have an amazing support system, not just in theory.  (and not just family)
I now know that no matter what happens, it will be ok.

Life is a crazy adventure...
and in January when this year was just getting going,
I would of never guessed what I would have to deal with all of this,
but I, at least, knew that a Retreat in Mexico would be a good idea in December.

I leave tomorrow....

Thank you for being there for me,
when I'm really chatty or when I'm really quiet.

Melissa